Lies my parents told me

[Iceglow]

I was genuinely more terrified of the character Bishop from the movie Aliens than of any of the Aliens.

Oh man, Bishop is the best character in any movie, ever

I was like 5 years old! Aliens I could deal with, people with milk for blood? smurf that! After I grew up I appreciated the beauty of Bishop.

[Madonna]

Between my jerk older siblings and my onery dad, I was a gullible child.

• My dad and siblings had me convinced I was adopted til I was about 10 because I was the only one in my family that had curly hair. Problem is I look the most like my father than any of them.

ahahah ohhhh I just remembered one. My dad told us that we all were conceived from my mother banging the milkman because none of us look even remotely like him at all. (But we all look incredibly different, so maybe there were four milkmen idk.)

You look like your sisters. I cannot see otherwise despite trying.

My parents told me they met at a bank robbery. In fact, my father has lied to me my entire life; the whoppers never stop, and interrogation only get you well-spun spur of the moment backstories. It is best not to talk to him.