King of the hill!

[Jinx]

I was once a peaceful gopher, however, I was knocked off my safe rock and onto the hill by a falling body in a hazmat suit. I landed in the irradiated grass and turned into gopherzilla. I then ate you and claimed the hill.

This is silly. I'm not responding to this.

That Hazmat suit makes you slow and clumsy, and I sneak up behind you, and push you down the hill, breaking your neck.

Because of this, I claim the hill.

Because you are so busy sneaking, you don't bother to look up. I ride my giant eagle Gwaihir over you and cast you into the fires of Mount Doom. I claim the hill for myself, because "It is mine. My own. My precious."