Well that's an interesting resume...

[Flying Mullet]

We've been actively interviewing for new developers for over two years now and we've had quite the range of people come through. I'm definitely getting jaded because when I look at resumes now things stick out and my immediate thoughts aren't the most professional...

Participated in daily meetings

Great, they know how to sit in a chair. I'm assuming they're proud of this because they didn't trout themselves during the meeting?

Well balanced, enthusiastic, ...

Well balanced? Is this a physical or mental well balance? Does this mean they don't veer to the left and walk into the wall? Does this mean they don't scream profanities and sucker punch the person sitting next to them in meetings?


Yeah, talk about resumes and stuff here.

[Inferno]

I feel you.
At my job, sometimes we search for html integrators or PHP developers. We ask for 3 simple things :
- speak french
- live in the Montreal area (no long distance or working at home stuff)
- know PHP

... yet we always receive resumes from C++ programmers from India. Seriously ?

[Araciel]

I always roll my eyes at the interests/hobbies section of anyone's 'professional' resume..

I don't care that you like slot car racing or flamenco dancing.

The best though was somewhat related -

After interviewing a potential replacement for my old position, I asked at the end if she had any questions. Apparently this gem came from Pinterest.

She looked at me with a smile and a defiant look and said 'I'm glad you asked. My question is: Why WOULDN'T you hire me?'

Needless to say I didn't recommend her.

[Spuuky]

I've had to read plenty of applications in which people have done things like spell their own name incorrectly, but I think what really annoys me is people who list things as "skills" that they clearly don't know anything about when asked.

[noxious.sunshine]

Lol.

I had to fix Jay's resume for him. He had waaayyyyy too much fluff in it. I was like "dude. I'm sure they don't care to know that you have 'excellent critical thinking skills' "

[Flying Mullet]

We give a technical quiz as part of our interview process. When we started the technical quiz with one candidate he became indignant and told me that he has been a programmer for over 20 years and the quiz was an insult to his skills. He promptly failed the first question that is basic programming question. His response? "Oh, yeah... I guess it's good you test people..." I proceeded to ask him the most difficult questions I could think of and crushed his arrogant ass!

[Diango12]

Years ago when I was just starting out, I remember instead of sending in a resume, I made a 10 minute video of me programming and using PEAR (lol) as a package manager to scaffold my project and I was wizing around in vim trying to setup a bootstrap and I explained why it was a good idea to use a front controllers to get your app going, etc etc. It paid off and I got the job.

But all I can say, most people who are writing resume's to you are fresh off the lawn noobs who learned a bit of php from [insert name from the plethora of countless learning resources available] <insert name="" of="" the="" plethora="" learning="" resources="" available=""> and are ready to fool some prospector with blah blah fast talk that would lead to a sad place for anyones back end.

I'm in the same boat now. I've been building Lead Management software for an insurance company who I'm now bound to by blood and stocks. It's getting to a point where I need a little help and everyone that comes through the door swears they know how to write queries but dont know what an ORM is. They go on about the code they wrote for xyz company but they cant give me an example where a agile factory pattern might be needed. They say they are top of their league but haven't a clue about even the simple details of dependency injection, service containers and why I would set fire to their computer if they ever contaminated my code base with lines of embedded sql code.

The most important question I found that filters through all the bs is: Do you use TDD?

With that said, I wholeheartedly believe resume's are patently evil and are detrimental to a working society. Its </insert>rigmarole and doesn't take into account that not everyone who isn't good at expressing themselves is not qualified for the work.

[Flying Mullet]

They go on about the code they wrote for xyz company but they cant give me an example where a agile factory pattern might be needed.

I've used factory patterns but I've never heard of agile factory patterns. What's the difference?

[Diango12]

In the context of design patterns, Agile is just sugar talk between people who learned common design patterns from the book Agile Software Development principles, patterns and practices by Robert Martin back in the day.

[Flying Mullet]

Ahh, this is the book I have for design patterns. Granted I haven't cracked it open in a while. (I know, shame on me)

Design Patterns: Elements of Reusable Object-Oriented Software - Erich Gamma, Richard Helm, Ralph Johnson, John Vlissides - Google Books

[Diango12]

Well you got yourself a classic thats for sure. Never read it myself. None of the ?C++? examples in that book really appealed to me. Granted though I was forced to read Agile Software Development when I hooked up with a team that was fanatical about scrum and pair programming. Truth be told, to this day I still have no idea what Agile is nor do I care. Package/dependency managers, proven MVC frameworks, a good understanding of GIT, ORM's, the Sublime Text 3 editor, and easy access to E7 on the vending machine is all that the modern web dev needs nowadays.

[Flying Mullet]

Truth be told, to this day I still have no idea what Agile is nor do I care.

People like to be able to throw around buzz words to sound like their knowledgeable on subjects.

[Diango12]

By the same token, buzz words are the most basic qualification for any industry.

[Jinx]

[rubah]

The most important question I found that filters through all the bs is: Do you use TDD?

no way; that's so old fashioned. BDD is the new hotness