Horrible Things We Did As Children

[fire_of_avalon]

When I was a baby I'd have baths with my brother because my parents didn't want to run bath water twice. I would consistently poop in the tub. I was potty trained.

My little sister did this to me. Either that or our mom just kept us in so long she couldn't hold it anymore.

I told my sister that if she didn't go the hell to sleep, one-armed zombies from the moon were going to come down to earth and kill her. The zombies I made up did not have eyelashes, and that was apparently the thing that caused her the most distress and continues to cause her distress into her adult life, as she reminds me whenever she sees me.

Also, I squirted Windex into another sister's eyes but it was on accident. I really liked the blue color and just wanted to pull on the nozzle, and she happened to be sitting right in front of it.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I distinctly remember mucking up electrical outlets by pushing in as much of a Kraft cheese slice into them as I could for no reason whatsoever when I was very young.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I can't remember evil things I did as a child. I tricked my sister into eating catfood once. The dry kind. She said it was salty. Honestly I just did really stupid things to myself, like shove beads up my nose so far that my half blind grandpa had to get them out. Or tying myself to a tree with string and my half blind grandpa having to cut me loose. Or when I threw a stick into the air pretending I was a baton twirler and cracking myself in the mouth causing my half blind grandpa to laugh hysterically.