Originally Posted by
Shlup
New mom's got this topic on lock.
"Your baby doesn't need to get vaccinated against deadly diseases because 'chemicals' are icky."
"You should make your baby 'sleep' in her crib instead of with immediate tit access because smurf your happiness and wellbeing."
"Get her Baby Einstein! Plopping a six-month-old in front of the TV is a great way for them to learn!"
"This toy with seventeen buttons, eleventy flashing lights, and two unbearably enthusiastic phrases is the only smurfing way to teach her cause-and-effect!"
"She's teething. You should do something about that."
"No teeth after four months of me saying over and over that she must be teething? Nope, I'm still smurfing sure she's teething."
"How come you never put bows and flowers and trout on her head? How else are people supposed to know she has a vagina? THE PEOPLE MUST KNOW."
"You need to put her on her tummy more. Her cries of terror and anguish mean she's learning!"
"Don't respond to her cries so quickly! It will somehow help her lungs. smurf her emotional development!"
"Don't hold her too much! Letting her know you love her will make her spoiled."
Though I'm pretty sure she's actually teething now because she's been chewing and acting like a little bitch for the last three days.