I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.
I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.
Ladies! What? This? No, no. I was at a costume party earlier...the hostess' dog attacked me...so I had to stab it.Originally Posted by Kyle
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Liz: Do you have a neck pillow I could borrow? I blew mine up and now it smells like my mouth.
Jack: I don't sleep on planes. I don't want to get incepted.
I once saw a pack of wild dogs take over and successfully run a Wendy's.
this isn't a quote but I want to post it anyway
Vaginal mesh: Nice try, prolapse.
I don't want to go back to England. I can't suffer through the London Olympics. We're not prepared, Liz! Did you see the Beijing Opening Ceremonies? We don't have control over our people like that!
I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.
Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
what kind of nation should we build? a good nation? a nation of plenty? a nation of muffled joy?
See, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when there's no order, no planning. Hitler and Martha Stewart would've hated that wedding.
Albino ninja!
Who hasn't made mistakes? I once French kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12-year-old.
Okay, in my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.
Passing out, swearing on St. Patrick's Day? Is nothing sacred?
Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong.
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