I note that Junon looks run down as smurf before we look around the town. We encounter a child playing with her dolphin by the water before a huge ass monster attacks us!

Monster: SMURFING BUBBLES!
Me: What? Oh no! I'm in a bubble!
Kragen: I too am in a bubble. I guess it's up to Alexis to save us.
Me: We're screwed.
Alexis: ICE AND SUMMONS!
Monster: WTF? AHH! *dies horribly*

That was unexpected. The girl's father -- or grandfather I'm not sure -- comes in and demands I give her CPR. I do that for a couple of minutes before she finally came to. The next day I start to wonder where Zira was before being our guide out to the Mako Reactor and ask, but she avoids the question and our attention goes to all the noise coming from the upper city. We find that the child is okay and she's so happy for our help that she gives us the Shiva materia. You had a summon and you didn't use it!?

With her whistle and dolphin I make my way up to the upper city to find out what all of the noise is about. Shinra is having a parade! And one of their commanders think I work for them. Wow, Shinra isn't good with telling its men apart, are they? I put on a Shinra uniform and go deep undercover. We're late for the parade so we have to sneak in. TV ratings are improved by the incident so well that I get six potions!

We meet up with Rufus after the parade and do a sendoff for him. He's so impressed I get an item! I have no idea what it was or what it does, but it's still an item dammit! The gang and myself sneak aboard the vessel Rufus boarded because the airship wasn't working and while we're there Sephiroth makes an appearance.

Sephiroth: Who the hell are you?
Me: I the hell am ToriJ!

Sephiroth leaves a piece of Jenova behind and we do battle! After the fight we get the Ifrit materia and leave the vessel right under Shinra's noses. As expected Rufus isn't the least bit happy. SMURF YOU, RUFUS!

We make it to Costa del Sol where we find Hojo. We try to press information out of him about the ancients and whatnot but he isn't talking. Instead of making him talk we just walk away and leave him there. Okay. We leave Costa and makes it down a bunch of train tracks until we arrived at Baracus' hometown of Corel Village. And the people there are complete asses to him. When we ask what is up he explains that long ago they agreed to let Shinra build a reactor to improve their city and then they burned down the village and somehow that equate to it being his fault. I mean, what kind of a person blames the people who are ACTUALLY responsible for the town's destruction?

Next stop: Golden Saucer!