ToriJ Plays Final Fantasy VII

[Ayen]

Will I agree with shion's opinion on the Gold Saucer? Will Baracus ever find peace with his village? Will Kragen ever get home? Find out... RIGHT NOW!

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We make it to the Gold Saucer only to find out we don't have enough money to enter the Gold Saucer. I can still save, right? NOPE! I need GP to save. SMURF YOU YOU PIECE OF TROUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAVE! AHHHHHH!

We go all the way back to Corel Village and through there to the field and do battle with random monsters to get enough gils just so we can advance the plot. Alexis wants to play! Zira think she's being insensitive to Baracus' feelings. Alexis says they should just act natural. Baracus runs off and I'm left with a choice.

Alexis/Zira: TAKE ME WITH YOU ON THE GOLD SAUCER!

Uhh... Kragen?

Kragen: It's a lose-lose situation no matter what you do.

DAMMIT! Maybe I should make a poll--

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fine! C'mere, Alex!

Alexis: YAY!
Zira: I hate you!
Kragen: ...

We go to the Wonder Square and meet a cat riding on a stuffed mog who's also a fortune teller. I won't ask questions. The cat name is *types* Pandora! What? It's a good name (No it's not) Shaddup! Pandora gives us a fortune that sounds kind of doom and gloom, but he/she doesn't know what it means and has decided to come along with us NO MATTER WHAT WE SAY!

I go up to the arcade to play some games. I arm wrestle with a sumo. Should be easy enoug-- *loses* Okay, let's shoot some hoops! I'm a First Class SOLDIER I should be able to-- *loses* The motorcycle game? *loses* The fighter? *loses* The mog game? *wins because it's the easiest game in the arcade, still has to use two continues* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *trashes the arcade room*

After looking around everywhere we find Shinra troops at the chocobo races. I try my hand at betting.

*loses*

I'm never doing that again. We go to the battle arena which the owner recommended to find a bunch of dead people. Apparently they were shot by somebody with a gun arm.

DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!

We're blamed for the incident and end up in a desert prison. SMURF MY LIFE! I didn't want to be in your stinking saucer, anyway. There we find Baracus and get the whole story. Apparently an old buddy of his got the same operation on the opposite arm after being shot by Shinra troops. That man is Marlene's daddy.

DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Baracus says he godda do what he godda do so we take him along to find his old friend, who is also the boss of the prison. They fight one on one and Baracus comes out victorious. His friend? He's more insane than Sephiroth and jumps off a cliff. We take his necklace and get the clear to go up for the chocobo races. Being the ex-SOLDIER I am-- Oh, smurf it. I lose hard the first time and get it on the second, all right? The owner is told the truth and gives us a car thingy that can go across sand and rivers so we take off on that.

We enter some town and run into Rude and a revived Reno. Apparently, Rude has a crush on Zira. Aww, that's so sweet. Elena has a crush on what's his face, and what's his face has a crush on Alexis. Crushes all around! We do battle with Reno and Rude and kick their asses before coming to a small town where a Mako Reactor blown up. Some old people ask for Zack who was in SOLDIER. I don't remember him. He was Alexis' boyfriend. I hate him already.

While exploring the forest we run into some girl. After defeating her she wants a rematch but I say no. 'Cause I'm scared and we need her. Her name is *types* Yalea and now we have a thief in our midst who's obsessed with materia.

We finally make it to Cosmo Canyon and meet Kragen's grandfather. btw Kragen's real name is Nanaki. There we learn more about the suffering of the planet through a hologram system that his grandfather has. I took Alexis and Baracus since I felt they had the most to benefit from learning. After that we all gather around the fire and talk. Nanaki hates his father who he thinks is a coward and his grandfather takes us through a dangerous dungeon telling us about the battle that happened there. Then we fight some thing and get to the end where his father was there in stone with arrows in him. He wasn't a coward. He saved the whole village!

*manly tear*

Nanaki decides to continue with us and from there we find...

MY HOMETOWN?!

Nibelheim is standing like it was never on fire and if you asked the villagers it never was. No one seems to recognize or remember me and I don't remember them. I am very confused. I don't like being called a liar, no sir! We also see a bunch of guys in bags talking about Reunion and Sephiroth. Sounds like the basis for a bad movie plot. Anyway, we make it inside Shinra Mansion and find Sephiroth in the basement who says he's going north and then leaves the mansion. While still inside we find a safe, then fight a monster, then get a key and materia, then we go downstairs to find a coffin and a red clad vampire talking about who actually gave birth to Sephiroth and whatnot. We talk and talk until he has nothing more to say and before we can leave he asks to come with us. Sure, why not? His name is.. *types* Ranka.

Ranka: *shakes head*
Shaddup. It's funny to the one person on the forum who will get that reference.

Next stop Mt. Nibel!