Originally Posted by
Psychotic
Those are some god damn fruity outfits right there.
Welcome to the world of comic book horror. A fashion's designer worst nightmare.
So, I'm just relaxing reading the newspaper and taking a spidey dump when I hear some commotion coming from the city below. Upon further examination I see a guy in a brown cloak (this better be a Jedi) running from a building with a couple of goons.
BLOWING UP BUILDINGS! I'm only on the second level and already there's mass destruction being done to the city. Come on, guys, you're not making New York look anymore appealing to tourists.
Before the guy takes off on his motorcycle I manage to put a spidey tracer on him so I can follow him to wherever it is he's going. I see he has a briefcase of some kind and I can only assume he has some business elsewhere since he's in a hurry. I'm cornered by his goons and end up being shot at. You know, for a city with some of the strictest gun laws in the books, there sure are a lot of people with guns here.
"These guys are up to something," I say immediately after seeing a building explode and being shot at by thugs. As if I have to remind myself that these guys are up to no good in spite of everything I've just witnessed. I take out the thugs and begin my patrol of the city.
Nothing is safe in New York, not even parked cars. You know, this would make a pretty good Geico commercial. I'm a nice person so I web up the car's windows to put out the fire and continue on my way down the road.
SERIOUSLY?! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL OF THESE EXPLOSIVES?! WHY ARE THERE NO POLICE AROUND?! You guys have some issues you need to work out. Here, let me punch you some more.
After dealing with the thugs I web yank the lid off the fire hydrant to put out the flames in the building. I hope no one was in there. What's this? River Street? Very funny, game. Very funny...
I make it to an alley only to find myself surrounded by thugs. Oh no, it's an ambush! What ever am I going to do?
Eat spider web, bitch! I go into a dome made entirely out of webbing and release it sending a shockwave to the surrounded thugs. That'll make them think twice before messing with me again. Even though that one guy is no selling like Hulk Hogan.
I noticed that the signal on my spidey tracer is getting weaker so I head up to the rooftops to go after the motorcycle where I run into even more thugs trying to stop me. They must REALLY not want me to catch up to the motorcycle because...
THEY HAVE MACHINE GUNS! SMURFING MACHINE GUNS! What the smurfing smurf!? Now I have to take out gunners and web up their machine guns before somebody get hurt, particularly me! This is going to be a long night.
I make it to a bridge that goes across the other side of town and before I can even get on it I slip and fall to my death!
"Wonderful!" I say just before my spidey splash. I tried to web swing when I should have web zipped. If you web swing when you should have web zipped, you're gonna have a bad time!
I eventually remember how to properly walk and make it across the bridge and up to a ledge of a building where I get cornered by this guy (man that's a terrible picture). I don't get more than two shots in before he falls off the ledge to his death with a hilarious, "UFGH!" I am now a murderer.
I make it to a warehouse where our mysterious villain meets another mysterious villain in a purple suit and hat. What is it with the sudden need to go incognito? The purple one tells the brown one that he's being followed. The Grey Jedi says he knows (he can sense me probably) and tells the purple guy to go on ahead.
I am walking right into another ambush. I'm convinced now that the world hates me.
It doesn't take me long for my spidey sense to inform me I'm walking into a trap and I get shoot by more thugs. The warehouse is covered in them and I have to take them out one by one before I can get any answers. The camera is closer to me for some reason and at one point in the game decides it isn't going to follow behind me anymore, it just stays at my side while I try to turn around and see what the hell I'm doing. Okay, I see how it is. Despite these overwhelming odds of bad game mechanics and large number of thugs, I manage to beat them all leaving one guy to interrogate.
As you can expect he's being about as cooperative as a thug working for a Jedi would be, so I decide some enhanced interrogation techniques are in order.
How's the view from down there? The thug cracks and tells me that his boss was talking about an airfield in Hangar 18. So I kindly let him down and that's when the Jedi finally reveals himself!
That's not what a Jedi looks like.
His attack is heading right for the thug, so being the good person I am, I stand in the way and get knocked through some crates. The villain, Shocker, continues to knock me through some more crates.
"You like that, huh?" Not really, no. "Well hold still because you're going to love this!" I'm sure that sounded cool in your head.
The Shocker boss fight. You're working on a time limit because if that flame reach the barrels the warehouse is going to blow. The trick is to drop crates on Shocker using your web yank ability. Sounds easy, right? Just auto target and down triangle? No. Smurf you! Not only does the targeting button not want to work, you have Shocker on your ass 24/7. This would be fair if not for the fact that Shocker is programed to be faster than you. You're slow as a snail compare to him. You can't perform any of your moves fast enough before he hits you. You don't have enough time to try to web yank the crate because he's going to be blasting you and need that time to even do anything with the crate. Even when you fall down to the floor you take FOREVER getting back up to your feet. All you can do is run like a bitch and hope for the best because he NEVER stops shooting at you!
I finally do manage to target the crate but because I'm trying to act fast enough to drop it on Shocker's head before he hits me again I mess up and end up dropping the thing on my own smurfing head! As Ocelot would say, "YOU IDIOT!"
Wonderful.
Reply With Quote