Say hello to Spider-Man for the Sony PlayStation. I thought I would play this game in honor of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 coming out this Friday. So, without further ado, let's get this party started
But first we have a "Previously on Spider-Man" scene recapping what happened in the first game.
It's Doc Ock!
Spider-Man!
Spider-Man. What are you doing? Stahp!
It's Sam Rami's favorite character![/sarcasm]
GET YOUR OWN GAME DAREDEVIL!
Ooh, Black Cat. You can stay.
LOOK OUT BLACK CAT!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
Now we're at our main screen where we get to see the man himself. Spider-Man! Now, I'm not saying I'm Spider-Man. I'm just saying you've never seen me and Spider-Man in the same place. We can play game nao?
Nope! More cut-scenes. Looks like we have a Sith Lord on our hands.
He's just ugly enough to be a Sith, too. Put your hood back on!
Oh. I guess he wasn't a Sith. You look utterly ridiculously, dude.
I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK!
In case you haven't figured it out yet, that was Electro. Our main villain. He shouts out "Soon!" like a lame comic book villain (Get it? Because he's a comic book-- It's funny) and then flies with his body surrounded in electricity. Then we cut to a screen showing the front page of the newspaper.
LMAO! Did someone honestly go to the prison just to take that picture? I see we have Scorpion, Rhino and Mysterio in the background there. Hah! Take that, Rhino. You woman beater. *reads the headline* HEY! Smurf you, Jameson, you piece of crap!
While out and about I run into a friendly furry face in the form of Beast. Beast is using big complicated words in an attempt to sound smarter to the audience, between you and me I think he's insecure about the whole shedding thing. Or his part in First Class, I don't know. He begins to quiz me on what I know about the basic game mechanics starting off with my trusty Spidey Compass.
Hey it's the Fantastic Four HQ. This game is just filled with fanservice. I'm going on top of the Fantastic Four building!
Told ya I'd do it. This shot is kind of bad. My super speed must be too much for the camera. Moving on...
Beast and I are trying to have a friendly conversation and this guy just walks right up and starts punching me repeatedly in the head. How rude! He even threw a freaking grenade at me! I show him a lesson in proper manners by punching him repeatedly in the face until he goes down and continue my lesson with Beast. After learning about how to refill my web cartridge, health and L1 aiming Beast can see I'll do just fine protecting this city but offers a chance to train in the Danger Room back at the X-Mansion. Well, I can't turn down an offer like that so I agree to go.
More fanservice! Can I just say the Danger Room have seen better days? I'm getting a mighty big Metal Gear V.R. Training Missions vibe from it. The buildings just look terrible transparent and you don't know if there's a wall in front of you at times or not. I'm told to practice my web swinging by turning the green spaces blue and avoiding the red spaces. Piece of cake.
I meant to do that. Don't want to outshine the X-Men or anything.
We make it to the next training stage which is meant to test my web pulling ability. As you can see I have that pretty well written down. Xavier couldn't even finish a sentence! That what he gets for talking in my head. Creeper.
The stage after that is for zip lining. I'm only allow to zip line to the green spaces. I can't touch the red or black spaces. Racist.
After that they wanted me to take out some targets with my web balls, so I did! And all I have to show for it is this stuffed bear. That I would have... IF I WAS AT A CARNIVAL! What am I supposed to tell Mary Jane when I get home?
All right, this next training stage is perhaps the hardest one in the whole batch. Once again I can't touch the black spaces. I have to zip line across the ceiling and I can't web swing either.
The best way to go about this is to get as close to the corner of the space as you can and line up your jump. You have to drop down, move yourself forward with the up D-Pad and press R1 before hitting the ground and then praise to your deity of choice that you don't touch the black area on the ceiling. To make matters worse the controls are unresponsive at times when you move to the left or right so it makes it harder to line up your jump just right.
Oh good, it looks like I'm coming up to the end here.
OH COME ON!
Is this the end?
Nope!
I get to a pretty wide gap here that's going to take a good attempt to get across it.
As if the stage and controls weren't bad enough, there are times where Spider-Man will zip up faster than you can react and because your finger is still on the R1 button...
Game over. You zip right down to the floor before you even know what hits you.
Um, guys... I'm touching the black space. Do I get a penalty? No? Okay, I'm just going to keep going then. Now to just leap across to the next--
GODDAMMIT! Now I can't even get back to the place I was.
After another try I get back to the wide leap. Okay, Spiedy, just concentrate. You can do it. You can do it. If you can just get over there...
I missed the square. This time I missed the smurfing square! You know what? Smurf it! Smurf the Danger Room! Smurf the X-Men! And smurf the people who designed this piece of trout! I HATE IT! *throws the controller across the room*
To Be Continued