Let's Watch Gossip Girl [warning: some mature content]

[Freya]

So conniving! Jenny, you get away from Blair right now!

[Jinx]

Where have you seen to, Freya?

Let's just say, Jenny turns into a huge bitch in her own right.

[Freya]

Second season? Maybe third? I forget.

[Pumpkin]

Tonight we might have a special sharky watches gossip girl because he hates these types of shows so it might provide some amusing commentary

[Pumpkin]

Hi gang! Shion decided that there weren't enough guys participating in this discussion, so she coerced me into sitting down and suffer watching this train wreck with her. Oh boy!

So join in the fun with your ol' pal Sharky! Shion has provided the "story" and I will provide my commentary.



Blair uncovers scandalous information about Serena that may not remain secret much longer. (So basically the same as every other episode of every other drama show. Got it.)

The characters of GG are getting ready for Ivy week. (So the blue bloods are getting ready to rely on their parent's money and pedigree to fail their way up the ladder of success. Got it.)

Dan wants to get in to Dartmouth. (Dan proves he's all grown up and ready for higher education by shaving at an 8th grade level. Some how I don't think Dartmouth is interested in a student that can't display basic motor skills. Nevertheless, Dan thinks his chances are very strong for being selected as the Usher to represent his school at the Ivy mixer. Here his expression oozes confidence. It might look like blood, but that's liquid confidence.)



Nate's dad wants him to go to Dartmouth. (Apparently India has nothing on the New England mege-wealthy when it comes to the caste system. Arranged marriages? That's nothing. We arrange your whole life! Meanwhile Nate would rather take a few hits of the sweet ganja with his bossom buddy, Chuck Bass.)



Blair wants to get in to Yale. (Blair says she wants to go to Yale, but so far it just seems like Blair wants to burn Serena at the stake. So much drama, and it's still opening credits!)



Serena wants to go to Brown.



(Impress the brown rep?!?!? Is that still where we're at? You'd think a woman of her means and wealthy background would be cultured enough not to refer to someone by their skin color. I'm sure she's been taught to refer to them all as "the hired help." Show some respect!)


And Chuck doesn't seem to care much. (Our main man Chuckers wants to go to Jersey and have sex with easy women. Somewhere in there, school might happen. Maybe Yale. smurf it. Who cares? He's rich.)

Dan worries about impressing Dartmouth since he doesn't come from an Ivy league family, whereas Nate tells the man deciding the school ushers that he doesn't really even want to go to Dartmouth. (Gee, can they telegraph this upcoming plot point any harder?)

Serena is late for the assembly, which Blair has little sympathy for.



(No, but they should.)

And in the end, Nate gets the Dartmouth usher role.



Dan confronts Nate about how he's only getting it because of his family, and recommends Nate read a book written by the Dartmouth representative. (Dan get's a pretty massive knot in his panties about this one, which is understandable. He'll never become an established writer! None of the classic writers ever suffered! GAH! Nate remains rather removed from the whole situation.)

Blair meanwhile plans Serena's social demise with help from Chuck.



(Why does a kid with this much money have nothing better to do than to follow around one girl to dig up dirt for another girl? Why indeed. Because Chuck claims he's a bitch sometimes, but all I see is typical creep-o Chuckers stalking Serena......in his smurfing limo. Right now my favorite character is his driver, because he manages to make a limo stealthy.)

And Dan goes home to pout to his dad.



(Rufus acts like he wants to help Dan, but I'm pretty sure he just wants him out.)

Being cool dad Rufus, he goes to Lily, the head of the Ivy league whatever counsel, and asks for Dan to have some way to participate in the Ivy league event.

Chuck spying for Blair and finds Serena visiting her brother at the Ostroff Center. (Le gasp!)





(Remember. This guy has enough money to do almost anything else he wants to right now. He chose this. )

And Serena, Eric, and Lily wonder what is best for Eric in terms of leaving treatment.



In the end, they reach a compromise of Eric leaving treatment for a few hours to accompany Serena to the Ivy league event. (Like all compromises, this means no one is truly happy. Like all TV drama compromises, I'm sure this means some one will be petty about it later.)

Rufus has some news about the event to share with Dan.



(So Dan learns that even when he eventually gets into his Ivy League school, his poor background means he'll still be expected to work in food services.)

He says there is now, because Rufus offered his services as head of the entertainment committee.



(Apparently Ivy League mixers are all about some '90s post punk math rock.)

And thus begins the party



(Also apparently, 90's post punk math rock means you have one guy who knows how to play a stand up bass?)

[Pumpkin]

Things start off well with Serena trying to sabotage Blair when she's talking to the Yale rep, as she's trying to identify with his love of the outdoors. (Some one wake me up for the good parts.)



Dan calls her out on it. (Dan makes some good points, but he so damn WHINY about it. An angsty writer. He's a true original.)



And Nate, realizing he's bombing with the Dartmouth rep, which he doesn't care about because he doesn't want to go to Dartmouth, gives Dan his spot. (Good guy, Nate? Nah. I'm sure the only reason is so that Dan can cover his escape.)

Which of course leads to his dad fussing at him. (Escape thwarted! You can't run from your arranged life that easily! You're so close to making all of your dad's your dreams come true!)



And Nate telling his dad to shove off. (He's such a BAMF. Watch out ladies.)

Eric and Jenny bond over his recent troubles.



(The Ostroff Center?!?! That's where Chuckers saw Serena at!!!! Golly!!!!)

And Blair tries to humiliate Serena. (Same as always.)



Thinking Serena went to the Ostroff Center because she is a recovering alcoholic, Blair announces this in front of everyone under the guise of congratulating her for working with her issue, trying to ruin Serena's chances with Brown. Serena takes the fall for her brother and then tries to call a cease fire with Blair.



Which Blair refuses. (Of course she does! "I'll stop the major plot point if you will." Then you're both out of a job! That's madness!!")

Eric, however, pulls Blair over to tell her the truth.




(Don't laugh jerks. Opening up cans up cat food can be very dangerous.)




(When you look like a preteen member of Nsync I guess you need a lot of protecting.)

And knowing this, Blair later on decides to make amends with Serena, who also received a gift basket from the Brown rep who had family in the Ostroff Center. Dan also got his book signed by the Dartmouth rep. (Nothing says, "Sorry you're addicted to heroin." like a basket of muffins.)

Blair finds Serena and shows her a letter. (Dear Playboy, My boyfriend wants me to try the strangest thing.....)



In the letter, Blair talks about the troubles with her dad leaving and having Serena leave without a word. (Bros before hos, dawg. You can't leave your peeps hangin' like that.)



Does this mean they'll be friends again? (Can these two hug it out? Will they bump fists and start the healing? Will Ross and Rachel ever end up together? Who gives a s**t?!?!?)



And that's all for this time! (Can I go now? I can go now, right?!?! YOU SAID AFTER THIS WAS OVER THAT YOU WOULD UNTIE ME!!!)

[Freya]

Sharkys commentary is awesome xD

[Jinx]

Haha, loving the commentary very much, Sharky. I hope you're a regular guest!

[Freya]

BUMP

[Pumpkin]

Ugh sorry guys, this is actually a huge pain in the butt to do and I got busy

Anyone want to take over?