Top 5 Funniest Moments of Final Fantasy IX

[Pumpkin]

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Final Fantasy IX has some wonderful and touching moments. From the moment Vivi first stands up for himself to the moment we are brought to Terra, the game is jam packed with scenes that make us fall in love with the game. But the game has another strength in story telling: the adorable, silly, and whimsical humour. Break open a pack of laughter and come relive some of these funny moments with me!

5. Zidane's Butt Grab

This is a short moment but it's definitely chuckle worthy. The party had just finished fighting off Black Waltz #2, Garnet was worried about heading to Lindblum, the airship was taking off, Steiner had a plan to bring the princess to Alexandria, Vivi was worried about the Black Mages. Everything is hectic and chaotic. And through all the rushing and the worrying, Zidane cops a feel.

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I don't know what texture he
was expecting

This is unexpected moment that lends some lighthearted humour to the situation at hand. Even funnier is that Zidane claims it's an accident, which is entirely possible, but he doesn't act like he regrets it one bit when he exclaims "Ooo, soft..." That's like if I fell in a vat of nachos, got fat and just sat there going "Ooo, yum..."

Okay, so it's not really like that at all. I mostly just like nachos. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to get some Taco Bell.

4. Quina's Moral Dilemma

I love Quina as a character. S/he is so innocent and naive in so many ways, which makes for some very amusing moments. One of the moments that makes me laugh the most is when Quina first meets Frog Cid, leading to a moral dilemma the likes of which Quina has never seen.

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Quina's brain is deep frying itself

Quina, as some of you may know, has a taste for frogs. S/he is a frog gourmand, if you will. I mean sure, s/he will eat anything, but Quina's true passion is none other than frogs. When the gang is heading out to find Kuja's layer, Quina finds his/herself face to face with the great moustachio'd frog. What do?

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To eat or no to eat? That is the question?

This is a silly little moment that happens while the party is discussing other things, but it's one of the moments that always stands out to me. Everyone is talking about finding that dastardly Kuja, about the journey that lies ahead, and Quina is stuck in an argument with him/herself about whether eating the talking frog is the best course of action. That would be like if I were to see talking nachos and...

What were were talking about?

3. Steiner's pickles get him out of a pickle

See how clever my titles are? This laughable moment centers around Steiner and the infamous gysahl pickles- two things that are jokes in their own right. We have Steiner, a lovable goof of a knight, and gysahl pickles, a food that apparently smells like death but tastes so good to some that they cannot start their morning without them.

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This might be their official slogan, actually

Steiner, in order to cross South Gate undetected, shoves the princess in a giant bag of these horrid pickles, hoping no one will search it thoroughly after getting hit in the face by the smell. The good news? It works. The princess either has the strongest resolve in the world or the worst sense of smell. Either way, they manage to get in to South Gate after a rather humourous scene of tall guard/short guard, which I imagine to be FFIX's version of good cop/bad cop.

The scene continues slightly after Steiner clears an alley for the princess to free herself of the pickles, when one of the guards approaches Steiner in much the same way one would approach an armed lunatic. Which may actually be the case with Steiner, but this is once again about those dastardly pickles.

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Gysahl pickles: terrorizing law enforcement
since 1472

What have we learned here folks? If you want to sneak through international borders, find something really stinky and shove a princess in a bag.

2. The Wedding

There is nothing more magical than when two souls join together in holy matrimony, forming a bond that will last them a lifetime.

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Nothing more magical indeed

So when Vivi and Quina are offered the opportunity to share their love in front of strangers in order to be allowed passage to the Iifa Tree, a tear rolls down my face at this beautiful moment. A tear... of laughter.

We, the player, get treated to Quina and Vivi awkwardly being married completely unnecessarily. The two spend their ceremony in silence, turning to each other only at the end and, after giving us nothing but "..."'s during the whole thing, Quina comes out with the best thing s/he could possibly have said at that very moment.

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Beautiful

This is funny because it's coming out of Quina and I honestly can't tell if s/he is being serious or not. After a moment, Vivi replies with a meek "M-Me too," which seems more like being polite and playing along than anything. Quina then begins to approach Vivi, who is backing off slowly, before they are interrupted by someone yelling "Thief!"

Was Quina truly happy that day? We'll never know for sure. But what I do know is I sure was!

1. Love Letters

This scene made number one on the list because of the sheer absurdity of the whole situation. Eiko decides to get Dr. Tot to write a love letter to Zidane for her. Unfortunately for her, she gets bumped by Baku's big belly (or so I choose to believe) and gets stuck about 20 feet off the ground and asks Baku to deliver the letter for her. Instead of, you know... getting help or something.

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Baku hears your cries for help.
Baku is indifferent

Baku isn't necessarily the most competent man when it comes to these things however, and drops the letter on his way to find Zidane. Part of the reason Baku drops the letter is because he is being fussed at by Steiner, who then leaves to go on patrol or whatever it is Steiner does. Beatrix arrives after hearing Steiner's shouting and finds the love letter on the ground.

Maybe now you begin to see the misunderstanding. But wait, there's more! Order now and receive twice the drama, absolutely free! Eiko shows up that night to wait for Zidane who never received the letter. After calling him a stupid fool to no one in particular, she decides she doesn't want to see him and goes to hide. Blank arrives around this time, thinking that someone wrote HIM the love letter. Marcus tries to save his friend the humiliation by pointing out that finding a falling letter doesn't mean it's addressed to you. Blank handles this with dignity and tact.

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Denial is always a man's best friend

At this moment, Steiner chooses to walk by, scaring Blank and Marcus into hiding and, of course, dropping the letter. Gaians really need to learn how to carry things. Steiner then obviously finds the love letter and reads it just as Beatrix enters the scene, thinking Steiner wrote her the letter. The two get close, about to embrace, unaware of the watchful eyes of young Eiko and tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum. Eiko wonders if they're in love and Marcus complains of a nose bleed, to which his friend offers him the most supportive of all friend replies.

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"I broke my arm"
"So chop it off"

That moment always makes me crack up. These two are so wrapped up in the romantic drama unfolding before them that neither rain or snow or nosebleed shall stop them from seeing what happens next.

Sadly for them, one well-timed Baku sneeze is enough to break up the romantic tension, upon which everyone emerges and acts insulted that they don't get to spy on a kiss between the two knights. This whole situation was so absurd it was laughable. It's a nice change of pace after some intense moments in the game and before some more intense moments to come, to have a silly little side story going that helps put a smile on the player's face.

These are some of my favourite funny moments from Final Fantasy IX, which are some of yours? What do you like about this game's sense of humour? Would you take the jokes down a different path? Share your thoughts below!

[maybee]

Final Fantasy IX was such a dark game, so I'm a little surprised to see this ! D:



It's like, oh---- oh yeah ! The game actually had some really good and hilarious moments !!! Like you have just sobered up after being drunk last night and just remembered what you did, or something.


Agree so much with the wedding and Quina's dilemma.

[Ayen]

I now pronounce you man and Quina.

[Spooniest]

Puck didn't make the list...this is unacceptable!

"Engage according to mission parameters!"

[Colonel Angus]

Lots of good stuff here. I'll have to replay this after I'm done w/ VIII.

[Depression Moon]

Thanks for this read. You took me on another memory lane trip of my favorite game. I'm going to have to play this again by the end of the year.

[Sefie1999AD]

Final Fantasy IX is full of light-hearted, funny moments. To name a few, there's Steiner swinging and crashing the wall in the beginning, Quina licking a crystal, Eiko attempting to win over Zidane, answering "That's when you kidnap Queen Brahne, right?" 50 times, Zidane teaching Vivi an old male "ritual" by the lake, and Zidane trying to hit on Freya and memorizing her name wrong several times.

[Matt_W]

Cool article, I like your top 5.
For me the part at Dali when Dagger is trying to talk normally was pretty funny, also the cheating King of Lindblum made me chuckle.