I'm horribly horribly shy and just completely terrible in social situations. Like spending the whole time pretending to text terrible. I've tried removing my crutches by leaving behind the phone, cutting my hair out of my face, leaving myself no easy excuse to suddenly leave, not carrying anything I can fiddle with, and I've learned that what happens in this situation where I'm forced to socialize is I am just plain off and say things that cause people to make this weird confused face or I'm just kind of a bitch. I've been wondering lately if I don't have an actual developmental disorder

In the past couple of years I've become a better "sprinter" where I can pretend to be normal or even make a genuine connection for short conversations, but for extended periods of time like at a quiet party I am a mess. Dates are weird. I have to turn the brain-mouth filter completely off and be a manic pixie lady, so only crazy guys wanna see me again, and sometimes it works out that their crazy complements my crazy.