The Onion has sleeper agents

[sharkythesharkdogg]

It's the only explanation I can come up with.

I mean, just read this. My theory is that in an attempt to commit the best farcical news practical joke to date, The Onion has managed to place their people in other "news" offices.

I particularly love her explanation for why the English measurement system is so rational compared to metric.

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

YEAH. Suck on that science! Why have a system of measurement based on something unreliable and random like the factor of ten when people can just use their thumbs?!? Everyone has the same sized thumb, dummies.

But seriously, someone go prove to me that she's a sleeper agent. I know people are rallying behind her, and it's depressing.

[Pumpkin]

I... wait that was a serious statement? I thought that was a joke

A FOOT ISN'T EVEN THE LENGTH OF A FOOT UNLESS ITS A GIANT ONE

[I Took the Red Pill]

In the same vein as the Westboro Baptist Church, Coulter makes absurdly outlandish statements to stir the pot, gain publicity, and ultimately, make money. And as with the WBC the best strategy is to ignore her altogether.

[noxious.sunshine]

rofl

I'm pretty sure my dad watches her. Or listens. Is she on Fox News? Cuz if she is ,my dad watches. I'm p sure she is. Cuz my dad loves Bill O'Reilly and I see her on three from time to time.

[KentaRawr!]

I don't even like soccer and she makes me want to watch soccer just to spite her. Maybe it's all a crazy marketing ploy.

[Jiro]

Apparently she has a reputation for this. I am actually impressed at how unhinged her comments are. You have to be a special kind of crazy to come up with trout like this, let alone believe it.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I'm with ITtRP on this one. She's a business woman. The business is whipping up the uneducated masses into hate and bigotry, and sadly business is good. It's obvious she's doing it to make a buck, but the sad thing is that it works. There's people who want to hear this crap.

Which is why I wish she'd come out and say it was a big joke. Some one help me find where she's on The Onion's payroll.

[Christmas]

What's her opinions on blitzball?

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Not enough injuries or personal glory.

Also, the Ronso are taking all our jerbs.

The Guado run all the banks, Hollywood, and government agencies.

The Al Bhed are all terrorists.

[Christmas]

We should take her to Zanarkand and turn her into a Final Aeon.

She is meant to be Sin.

[Shorty]

Did she actually say that? Was that a thing she said?

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European.

I... what?

Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Guillotine is worse than like how we did the natives with gunfire and plagues, right, Ann? And what does this have to do with the first sentence? It doesn't even make sense xD

this person actually gets airtime whyyyy oh my god my head

[Alive-Cat]

She is probably an evil bear wrapped in a human costume!

[Shorty]

There are no such thing as evil bears.

Evil mongooses, yes, I can see that.

[Alive-Cat]

There are no such thing as evil bears.

Evil mongooses, yes, I can see that.

Maybe not, I admit, I haven't met an evil bear before! I was just winging that statement, she's more likely mongoose, or something else that's more likely to be evil than a bear

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Mongooses are awesome, and will not be associated with that bitch Coulter.

From now on, if anything is evil, it will actually be Coulter dressed up in a costume of whatever we're talking about.