Yo...
So I kind of have this DISGUSTING problem with being a smoker now.
It's actually kind of funny or ironic or whatever. I always hated smokers and smoking (but to be honest, I hated it only because I was bullied in the school all the time and all those who did bully me were in the "omfg we be so popular if we smoak!" club).
I never smoked a cigarette before around 20. Accidentally I dropped out for a year out of college around that time and with a lot of free time on my hands and depressed feelings I somehow started to punish myself with smoking. smurfing great idea I know.
Anyway, I am now 21 and month old and my smoking habits are usually around 5-10 cigarettes a day. I know it's stupid silly habit. It costs a lot of money, it is incredibly unhealthy, it isn't really sexy anymore and oh my god all that really bad smell from it.
The problem now though is that I am sort of unable to stop smoking. even though I've tried. If I want to, I can kind of easily go for around a week without a smoke at all so I think I am not really addicted (or at least not much yet) to the nicotine itself and thus I don't think nicotine badges would help me.
I actually think I am addicted to the ritual itself. Go out, lit the cigarette, don't really think about any current problems in my life and just relax or calmly think about stuff without any stress.
In the year and half I've been smoking I've also been four months clear of a smoke and it wasn't all that bad but in the end I couldn't keep it up, I started to have trouble sleeping and actually overdosed (not on purpose, I was just really desperate for sleep) on some pills to help me sleep which had some really unpleasant effects, not bad enough to danger my life or needing a professional help but I felt like trout for four days.
The problem is that most of my friends and half of the people I am IRL talking to do smoke and while they never encourage me to smoke with them, it just comes naturally and I do so.
I really don't know how to break this vicious cycle and I certainly don't want to keep this unhealthy and filthy habit any longer but I have really weak will to just say "this was my last cig, and that's it".
Does anyone else have similar experience with this? Any advices about what could I try or what could be a sure way to solve this for once and all?