As we finish one story, we unearth another. And alas, the story of the caveman shall unfold!




A caveman with a good sense of smell, mind! So now we get to play as someone who has to deal with the sweaty, damp musk of the cavemen of yonder years! Swell.


Our story opens with a panning shot of this fellow, who seems downright surprised that all these people are standing behind him. Shame I can't tell what he's saying.


Seems our man is actually a mac daddio. Pimpin off his girls for rocks. And it seems Candy went missing, again.


Mac Daddio ain't happy bout dis. Keep it real fo' sho'. Hoes be trippin.



Little ol Miss Candy herself, escaping from her latest bout of bondage, I bet.


The oil helps her slip right out of her rope, though.


Candy looks back, before running away from her past life as someone's broad.


"This pile of rope smells like attempted rape and disappointed parents. I MUST TELL MAC DADDIO."

Which leads to everyone running into the cave far left, and emerging in their batmobiles.


"CAN'T ESCAPE THE RAPE TRAIN, BABEH!"

Cut to this--


Aw, an elephant! I wonder what he's running from...


...Oh. Cavemen. Stereotypical.

They chase the elephant around until...


...they piss off a herd of them.


Chapter card...? Is that what it's called? I dunno.



And we cut to our hero, Pogo, sleeping next to his friend, Gori. After waking up Gori (by popping his nose bubble. Gross), he wordlessly follows you around. Almost creepy, if the game didn't warn us that there would be little to no dialogue in the game (not pictured, don't care.)


A little later, we find this old dwarf-lookin thing, who brightly proclaims to us through picture that he's going to go get some food.


We find this gentleman, who asks for a stick and a stone, giving them to him creates...


Dis hammar that goes bonk.

Now, before I go any further, I'm gonna show you all in the menu screen what kind of characters we're dealing with right now.


We have our hero, Pogo, who looks like a green-haired midget who's also holding the remains of a t-bone steak.

Then there's Gori. Who looks like he's full of nope. Especially if you would see him down Nope alley in Nopesville in the state of Nopeica which is under the Nopited Nopes of Noperica.

TL;DRPogo's weird, Gori's ugly as smurf.

Moving on!


We head outside, where the old man makes a caveman go into the wild, sniff out an elk or something, follows the dust cloud that appears when he sniffs (that cloud in the southern portion of the screenshot), and come back with a chunk of meat.


The old man then proceeds to roundhouse Pogo and Gori outside of the gate, with no reason other then proclaiming a big picture of the "Y" button.

Why "Y?" What are we gonna do with Y that's so...


...Uh. An inflated nose? That's weird.

Basically, pressing Y on the SNES controller will make the characters sniff. They smell different characters and animals, which are revealed when you walk into a cloud of scent.


Then, you follow the scent trails until you run into a battle with...


Oh, God no! Wait until PETA hears about this! And they're cute! D:


Pogo, being the neanderthal that he is, takes what I imagine to be a leg portion of the dog "just in case."

After traveling, killing more packs of puppies than dog-fighting history, and questioning what I was doing with my life, I managed to find what I was looking for.


"There you are. Come to daddy."

The Synthor-whatsitcalled gets dropped like a bad habit, and we travel back to the old man.


Who decided to let us back in. Glory!


...Where the hell is everyone?

I literally searched the entire place for ten minutes before I found these guys.



So, Pogo and Gori decide to go to bed! I hope they sleep sound and...


...Gori? Where are you?

Will Pogo find Gori? Will Candy ever escape her forceful sugar daddy? Find out, next time!