I guess I get to repost this story. I got pretty lit up before and after this story, but this is one of the better ones I have where I was unquestionably wasted. All other stories would be just about me complaining about something while I am drunk, or playing Guitar Hero with my buddy.

I told this story in chat a couple of years ago, but I might as well tell it here. This is the story about what happened when I had an entire fifth of Captain Morgan in two hours. I don't want to write a wall of paragraphs so I will "green text" the story.

>It is 2008
>regularly drink at my buddy Eric's house
>it is a work night
>go to grocery story and purchase Captain Morgan
>get back to Eric's and I finish half the fifth, straight, in a half an hour
>I suggest that I stop
>"It's only 5:30, man. Don't worry about it."
>Eric would live to regret those words
>In my already inebriated logic, I decide to "milk" the last half
>fifth is gone by 7pm
>holy s*** I am GONE
>memories of the night start to black out at this point
>following is the combo of what I can remember/was told that happened
>Eric stopped drinking and sobered up because of how gone I was
>was on the floor arguing with myself and swinging punches at the air because I disagreed with myself
>went into his bathroom and puked everywhere but the toilet seat, probably some other body fluids too
>Eric is freaking out
>Despite how gone I was I manage to clean everything
>socks and pants are no longer salvageable, Eric makes me throw them in a trashbag
>After he gives me some ratty PJ pants and socks he doesn't care about, I move to go out of the bathroom
>stop
>fall flat on my face hitting my nose
>did not break it but blood is everywhere
>while Eric is managing carnage in his hallway, I decide it would be a good idea to use his then girlfriend's pillow to lie down on
>pillow is lost to bloodstains and tears
>Eric grabs me by the shirt collar
>I thought he was going to hit me and I beg him not to do it
>"I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU JUST GET IN THE SHOWER!!"
>"hOW mANNy shoOooWERS do you WAnt Me to take?"
>"JUST GET IN THE F***ING SHOWER!!!"
>in shower
>forget why I am in there
>luckily remember to get dressed
>Eric called my then girlfriend to pick me up
>he has me lay down on a couch behind his computer area while he is on the net to pass time
>start vocalizing Mega Man 2 tunes and ask Eric which is his favorite 74 times
>Eric's girlfriend comes home and sees pillow
>she is pissed
>girlfriend shows up with friend so one can drive her car and one can drive mine
>she is pissed
>I ain't having none of that s***
>notice the PJs Eric gave me are neon blue and have a zebra stripe pattern
>start to laugh as I do the MC Hammer slide
>girlfriend more pissed
>girlfriend drives me home as I talk about the 90s
>fall asleep
>work alarm wakes me up at 5am
>still drunk out of my mind
>call in sick
>filed incident in head as a wake up call not to drink so much