...On which I'm an authority!

...No, I'm kidding. This thread isn't about my pathetic life insomuch as it concerns the question of "how can I lose a lot of weight, quickly, without causing permanent health problems?"

Anyone wanna share their secret weight loss techniques? My boss (the bandleader) has promised me $750 if I can drop some weight.

Quick note: yes, I understand that "eating all the foods and not getting off my ass for days at a time" is not the correct way to do it.