oh god it's time for my speech
oh god it's time for my speech
oh that's way harder to read than I meant it to be I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD LOOK SO BAD IN A QUOTE
First Mad Max and now The Hitchhiker's Guide. EoFF is spoiling me with speeches today
EASY TO READ VERSION OF THAT SPEECH:
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
DON'T PANIC
Booting...
...
...
(remain calm)
...
Space is big. Really Big, You just won't believe how vastly hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. Listen...
Oh, you mean you actually have an idea of what you want to read about in this encyclopedia. Well then. What shall we find for you?
Eccentrica Gallumbits. An excellent choice. She is the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six. But did you know! I hear she is currently in the midst of nominating a successor. Oh, several individuals are currently vying for her attention to become the next star of Eroticon Sex. Did I say sex? I meant six.
Here, then, is a list of her current pupils, followed by a brief summary of their achievements:
Dat Matt: Quite similar to another individual known as "Arthur Dent" [see his page for more], Dat Matt was voted "most likely to end up living in a hole in the Scottish highlands with only the chip on his shoulder for company" by his university yearbook. It seems that he is aiming higher with his ambitions now. Shall he succeed? This remains to be seen.
I Took The Red Pill: Why would one take a red pill? Why not a purple pill? Purple is a lovely colour this time of year. I suppose I never said that humans were bright. No wonder they didn't evacuate the planet when they were told to.
Jinx: It is rumoured that Jinx's true motive is to marry the President of the Algolian Chapter of the Galactic Rotary Club, and that she is undergoing this procedure in order to attract his attention. Why anyone would marry him by choice, I'll never know.
NeoCracker: The guide regrets to inform you that we have lost contact with this individual. The last we heard of him he had downed a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in one gulp, and then proceeded to join the Vogons for poetry night. God rest his soul.
noxious.sunshine: noxious.sunshine is currently favoured by the bookies to win the right to being the next legend of Eroticon Six. Frankly I'd prefer to go with an entry with longer odds. I realize that nobody wants to be the guy at the pub who lost all his money by betting on a longshot, but it does make it that much sweeter when you do win, doesn't it?
Raistlin: Also known as Oolon Colluphid, he is the author of a trilogy of philosophical blockbusters consisting of the famed books "Where God Went Wrong", "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes", and "Who is this God Person Anyway?" He is renowned for debating with God himself and getting the big fellow to disappear in a puff of logic, after which he penned a fourth book titled "Well, That About Wraps It Up For God".
Shorty: It is said, although not confirmed, that the individual known as Shorty is a clone of Tricia Marie McMillan, also known as Trillian Astra. Arthur Dent completely failed to chat the original Trillian up at a party at a flat in Islington, and it is a well known fact that he will also fail to chat up her clone. So sorry to be the bearer of bad news!
Steve: Mostly harmless.
This concludes the list of people currently in the running to be the next Eccentrica Gallumbits. I fear that none of them will be able to match her, shall we say, charms, but they are of course welcome to try. The galaxy awaits the selection with bated breath and plenty of banknotes at the ready.
Please do remember where your towel is.
Closing down...
...
...
DON'T PANIC
I initially planned to do this exact thing as a speech for this award, but it quickly got out of hand.Originally Posted by Award Bloke
Remember when Bill Cosby said "meme me" and it turned out to be a reaaaally bad idea?
Gif the next Ciddie
Dat Matt ♦ I Took The Red Pill ♦ Jinx ♦ NeoCracker
noxious.sunshine ♦ Raistlin ♦ Shorty ♦ Steve
I'll be keeping what results I did come up with, though. For educational purposes. In case I ever become a doctor. Or porn star.
yeah not finding any great ones of angela bassett here
I am afraid to google search on my work computer
Master of the Fork
Cid's Knight
Oh hay, my picture of Shauna's like spam was there. Seriously, it was scrolling from all her likes.
Yeaaaah yeaaaaah.... yeaaaaah?
YAY
smurfin lol
P.S. did anyone do predictions and if not why not
Oh yeah.
Yeaaaah yeaaaaah.... yeaaaaah?
MY DREAM GIRL
But did RSL get one vote or three?
OMG WE DIDN'T DO PREDICTIONS.
Start over. Sorry guys, this was a bust. New set of nominations, please.
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