True story alert;

Daniel Towns can't fart.

He just can't.

At the Edinburgh meet, when we were all a little bit drunk, Daniel was sat on the floor and his head was at arse height. So I thought to myself "alright, time to gear up some revenge for this little smurfer for all the times he's said 'NO' to me in staff, or just done something plain weird." So I stood up slowly, feeling the little gurgle in my stomach that only means one thing. There's a fart in there.

I stepped over to him stealthily and let rip next to his face. It wasn't a huge fart by any means, nor was it too stinky so I felt a bit let down. But I wasn't ready for what happened next. None of us were... Daniel Towns rolls onto his back, legs in the air - and says 'I've had enough of you, betch.' and farts back at me. Now, this 'fart' let me tell you... it sounded like the very last bit of air coming out of a balloon, it was the tiniest little squeak of a fart I have ever heard. Immediately afterwards, however, Daniel Towns sits around for a bit after the room has died down from the hysterics and quietly slinks off to the bathroom.



Dat Matt then said something about clitoral piercings which made me need to spit out my drink, so I stumbled to the Town's kitchen sink and almost knocked myself out on a cupboard door. Amazing.