Hair envy

[metagloria]

I just want my hair to lie straight instead of being all curly and crazy at the ends.

Here's the most recent reasonable-looking picture of me, in which I am surreptitiously flipping off my wife for beating me in Sequence:

Such depress many angry wow

But, I wish my beard would grow thicker

Yes. This. My stupid beard, aside from the chin part, just refuses to be a real thing.