Things I hear from clients (for those that don't know, I groom dogs) :

"I want him short but not short" u wot m8? Seriously, what am I supposed to do with that?

"Get the nails as short as possible " Yep, that's kind of the idea!

*curly coated dog cones in, hasn't been groomed or brushed in 6 months* "Can you leave him as long as possible? He looks ugly shaved." Sure! While we're at it, stick 10 wads of chewed gum in your hair and try to come them out for 5 hours, then get back to me on how you felt about it.

"You just don't want to brush him out because you're lazy" OH NO YOU DIDNT

I love my job but the people drive me insane