Day 2



Aha, I get it Kalevala, cool story bro! It's funny because it's an internet joke! Anyway-


HOLY smurfING trout


I bloody well do have contraband in my desk! A roll of tape and a file! I didn't mention acquiring them on Day 1 because hey they're so inconsequential and will have no bearing on future events whatsoever! I am in some serious smurfing trouble. If they find these items in my desk I'm going to get them confiscated and stuffed in solitary for a while. I quickly scoop them up and shove them into my pockets.


Of course randomly sprinting out of rollcall and trying to slyly sneak back in is going to raise a lot of questions from the guards and I'm getting a lot of heat for not being where I'm supposed to be.


I've managed to get away with it though Officer Shauna delivers one of her customary pep talks and we all file off for some breakfast. I've earned it!


Oh wait no, hold up a second! You see that green flashing light above the door? That's a contraband detector. If I take one step into the canteen with my pockets loaded with such potent relics as duct tape and a file the sirens are going to sound and I'm going to have several cans of mace unloaded into my face.

Panicking, I turn away from breakfast and instead folornly roam the halls, hungry and desperate, doing my best to stay out of sight of any guards. If they see that I'm not where I'm supposed to be I'm going to be in trouble. I'm either going to trout myself or have a heart attack. Maybe both at the same time.


After whimpering and cowering like a child, I somehow make my way back to my sell undetected. Looks like Santa Screw has visited! My makeshift curtains have been torn down and my possessions have been rummaged through, but somehow they haven't noticed my remodeling efforts with the wall. I got lucky this time but another morning like this one is going to end with a nightstick lodged firmly into my rectum.


With all the heat I gained from ducking out of rollcall and skipping breakfast, I try to play it safe and be the model prisoner by reading books. Officer Matt seems impressed by my literacy at least


Let's rewind a second. You may be wondering where I got the duct tape and file from. I have no money or job, after all. I acquire all I need from rummaging through your desks while you're out in the yard or doing your nice cushy licence plate making jobs you suckers!


And you see what my treasure hunting has found in Bubba's room? I need protection. There are too many dangerous thugs out here who take great pleasure in pounding their fellow con's faces into the dirt. A skinny white boy like me is going to get passed around like currency.


And as if on cue, no sooner than I have made my deadly fighting tool that Aerith's Knight absolutely stomps Jowy into the dirt. Judging from the difference in damage he's clearly packing some serious firepower.


Posted without comment.


My crafting skills do not just finish with putting soap into a sock, no sir! I've also cut a page out of a magazine and combining it with duct tape have created... a poster! Kneel in awe. Why am I making posters? Well, the wall to my cell looks rather forked. If I have another cell inspection I'm done for, so I'm going to cover up the damage.


Yet another brawl breaks out, this time interrupting ToriJ's attempts to broaden his scope from being a video game critic to a food critic. Eugene slams Steve's head into a tray, splitting it open.


Officers Shauna and Scotty liberally pummel the two miscreants into the dirt. Which gives me an opportunity to borrow some items from them.


Thanks for the clothes, Steve!


The delightful scarlet drapes are back up and I've been sneaking off to my cell all day for a quick surreptitious scrape at the wall with my plethora of plastic forks, and I'm about to make the breakthrough.


And we're through! The poster is quickly used to cover up the gaping hole in the wall. I guess it must be a load bearing poster. Still, it is too late to do go scampering about in the gap between the walls for now, but I at least have a safe storage space where no guards can find.


Shauna delivers this message at evening rollcall. Does she know about my nocturnal activities...?


It matters not. No guards, no masters, no prison guards. I am a free man. Look at all the forks I've just dumped on the ground. Are those the actions of a person who conforms and obeys the system?

...that or I'm a petulant teenager staying up past bedtime to play CoD in defiance of my parents. Either/or.