View Poll Results: Would Superman survive if a nuke was shoved up his butthole and then detonated?

Voters
19. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes

    4 21.05%
  • No

    5 26.32%
  • It depends on many factors/variables

    5 26.32%
  • 5 26.32%
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Would Superman survive if a nuke was shoved up his butthole and then detonated?

  1. #1
    Happiness Hurricane!! Pike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Clover Town Street
    Posts
    18,644
    Articles
    13

    FFXIV Character

    Althalor Lightpike (Excalibur)
    Contributions
    • Former Editor
    • Former Cid's Knight
    • Former Social Media Manager

    Default Would Superman survive if a nuke was shoved up his butthole and then detonated?

    This is the most important question of our time.

  2. #2
    Bright Shield's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Kearny, New Jersey
    Posts
    292

    Default

    Of course. He has a super anus.

  3. #3
    Crazy Scot. Cid's Knight Shauna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    In the land of Scots
    Posts
    21,486
    Articles
    55
    Blog Entries
    1

    FFXIV Character

    Sheetle Bug (Twintania)

    Default


  4. #4
    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Kansas City, Kansas
    Posts
    13,361
    Articles
    12
    Blog Entries
    76

    Default

    The nuke wouldn't be able to penetrate his butthole.

  5. #5
    absolutely haram Recognized Member Madame Adequate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Kirkwall
    Posts
    23,357

    FFXIV Character

    Hiero Dule (Brynhildr)
    Contributions
    • Former Cid's Knight

    Default

    There are really two problems in answering this question, both revolving around the respective powers of the things in question. Superman as he was originally conceived would almost certainly be destroyed by a nuclear weapon, rectally inserted or not. The Death of Superman saw him killed by the immensely powerful Doomsday, but the hits he sustained in that were by no means the equivalent of nuclear detonations.

    Some variations of him, on the other hand, have him be pretty much explicitly invincible, unless exposed to Kryptonite or magic. If such an iteration is used, presumably the forces unleashed would expel themselves as a tremendous nuclear fart that rockets him off into space, but he could fly back under his own power.

    The bomb itself is the other half of the question. Nuclear devices have no theoretical upper limit, rather they are bounded by technical construction considerations, cost, and the ability to secure sufficient nuclear material. Though devastating, the bombs dropped in WW2 were absolutely puny compared to today's - the bigger of the two, Fat Man, was about 20 to 22 kilotonnes in yield. Today's strongest in-service US weapon is the B83, which has a variable yield that tops out at 1,200 KT, or 1.2 megatonnes - almost 550 times more powerful than Fat Man.

    The most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated was the Soviet Tsar Bomba, which was detonated over Novaya Zemlaya. It had a yield of approximately 50 MT, which was constrained because they deliberately constructed part of it to do so. Had they gone for the maximum possible yield of the weapon it would have been about 100MT (this involved which elements were used for certain interior parts).

    In the lower yields, it's pretty plausible that Supes would survive a nearby nuclear detonation, but maybe not when actually inside his colon. In the higher yields - we'll assume his body can handle the stretching this would entail, by the way, because we're not playing FATAL so we do not have and do not want the means to calculate the elasticity of someone's rectum - we have to assume that he would be annihilated, except in the instances where he is all but explicitly invulnerable.

    So combine the two together and what do we find? Well, at lower yields, with tougher iterations of Superman, you can convince me he would survive. If Superman is in one of his weaker instances, or he is unfortunate enough to be the victim of a multi-megaton anal detonation (though to be fair many of us survive Montezuma's Revenge after cheap Mexican food ) then it's pretty certain that he is toast.

    One element, if you'll pardon the pun, remains unaccounted for. Kryptonite is explicitly a radioactive element (that's why his Kryptonite ring gave Lex Luthor cancer). This fact is not, by itself, sufficient for a nuclear device - but if it, or an isotope thereof, does meet the criteria needed for such uses, we can pretty safely say that any version of Superman would be destroyed utterly by even the mildest of Kryptonite-based fission or fusion bombs.

  6. #6
    Famine Wolf Recognized Member Sephex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Solar System
    Posts
    12,267
    Articles
    2
    Blog Entries
    55

    Default

    Ever think of the nuke hole?

  7. #7
    Do Myself a Mischief Vermachtnis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    That Weird Building
    Posts
    7,209

    FFXIV Character

    Ekhi Ysengrim (Brynhildr)

    Default

    He was almost killed by one that wasn't shoved up his butt in The Dark Knight Returns, so shoving one up his bum will get it done.

  8. #8
    Famine Wolf Recognized Member Sephex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Solar System
    Posts
    12,267
    Articles
    2
    Blog Entries
    55

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vermachtnis View Post
    He was almost killed by one that wasn't shoved up his butt in The Dark Knight Returns, so shoving one up his bum will get it done.
    lol more like The Dark Knight Rectums

    I am so sorry.

  9. #9
    Ghost of Christmas' past Recognized Member theundeadhero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    In Jojee's pants x_~
    Posts
    15,557

    FFXIV Character

    Villania Valski (Adamantoise)
    Contributions
    • Former Cid's Knight
    • Former Senior Site Staff

    Default

    Don't be sorry
    ...

  10. #10
    Trial by Wombat Bubba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Shmocation
    Posts
    10,370
    Articles
    2
    Blog Entries
    2
    Contributions
    • Former Cid's Knight

    Default

    Wow.

    I can think of so many connotations right now to the phrase "dropping a bomb".

  11. #11
    Yes homo Mr. Carnelian's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Hampshire, England
    Posts
    2,177

    Default

    Considering that Superman is very rarely killed, I would have to say that the chances are he would survive.
    He is sometimes killed in comics and such, but he usually survives whatever's thrown at him.

  12. #12
    Slothstronaut Recognized Member Slothy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    I'm in space
    Posts
    13,565
    Blog Entries
    27
    Contributions
    • Former Cid's Knight

    Default

    If it's All Star or Red son Superman then he'll be fine. Rectal insertion or not.

    Any other version and things get interesting. Also depends on how close he's been to the sun a short time prior to detonation.

  13. #13
    Feel the Bern Administrator Del Murder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Oakland, California
    Posts
    41,604
    Articles
    6
    Blog Entries
    2
    Contributions
    • Former Cid's Knight
    • Former Administrator
    • Hosted the Ciddies

    Default

    No way would he survive. All that energy has to go somewhere. It doesn't matter who he is, any butthole would be torn to shreds in that scenario.

    Proud to be the Unofficial Secret Illegal Enforcer of Eyes on Final Fantasy!
    When I grow up, I want to go to Bovine Trump University! - Ralph Wiggum

  14. #14
    Famine Wolf Recognized Member Sephex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Solar System
    Posts
    12,267
    Articles
    2
    Blog Entries
    55

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Del Murder View Post
    any butthole would be torn to shreds in that scenario.
    If I had a nickel for every time I had to say that...































    I'd have 15 cents.

  15. #15
    Gobbledygook! Recognized Member Christmas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Pious Moose's HQ
    Posts
    13,393
    Blog Entries
    6
    Contributions
    • Hosted the Ciddies

    Default

    He may get a really happy erection.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •