I really want to make friends at school but I'm worried no one will want to be my friend, especially since I am fat. I know it's silly, especially considering everyday I see a ton of people much much bigger than I am, but my brain has convinced me no one wants to be friends with someone my size.

Speaking of, I want to join clubs in college but I don't know if people actually do that and if there will be other people. I hate being like 1 of 2 or 3 people in something and I'm worried that will happen.

I'm even more worried that going to school will be a huge waste of time and money because I could actually have a job that allows me to do good and my life doesn't usually let me get stuff like that. I feel like I have terrible luck sometimes, although on the whole my life has greatly improved.

While I have trimmed up some, it hasn't made me happy, but rather very anxious. Everything I do know makes me paranoid I'm going to put the weight back on. Missing a workout, eating more than usual, having a dessert. I get very paranoid about it and everyday I worry I've undone all of my progress.

I really want to write my fantasy novel but I took a long break from it and reading my own writing makes me cry for some reason. I have to do it though in order to remember where I was. I also worry that it's stupid.

I have a mild chapstick addiction. I NEED to put it on before bed or my lips start burning. I don't need it any other time, and my lips can be 100% fine. But if I climb in to bed, they start burning right on cue.