So I have taken upon myself to write the speech for Best Let's Play, which is amusing for me as I don't really like watching people play video games no matter how funny or insightful they may think they are. I represent the old school class of gamer who would rather spend my summer days in a dark room gaming; than making the terrible choice of going outside in the sunshine and fresh air (poison for the true gamer) Heaven forbid I communicate and interact with another human being that wasn't composed completely of code. So I feel I can give you a fair assessment of what these Let's Play entail:
EoFF Little Sister 2015: Sims 3

Sims is an odd game where you play voyeuristic god to a bunch of self-indulgent middle class yuppies as they go through their daily lives and remodel their houses. Obviously this insipid display of middle America is pretty damn boring. The only real way to play these games is to come up with more elaborate ways to humiliate, degrade and murder your virtual wards. Sadism knows no bounds like electrocuting and setting your Sims on fire before you generate another virtual brother or sister to take place. In many ways Sims is the video game equivalent of picking wings off flies or setting ants on fire without the social stigma of being a psychopath. Play on EoFF.
Let's Play Final Fantasy VII Steam HD Graphics Mod
My goodness, VII is getting an HD Remaster for PS4, and smurfing Remake on PS4 with AC graphics and people still need to play this game with higher graphics to hide the shame of liking popeye arms with hooves for hands? Granted the game looks like ass now, so I guess its understandable but making Tifa's boobs or Sephy's masculine shirtless bod more realistic isn't going to make them real. As an old fogey gamer, you play the game its original form unapologetic, smurf the haters and you fantasize about not cutting yourself when you press your sweaty body up against your FFVII fantasies razor sharp nipples. Cheers.
Let's Play Final Fantasy X/X-2 Remaster
Final Fantasy X sucks moving on...
Pike Plays Literally Every Game in Her Steam List.
Pike simply plugs her computer into the USB port behind her neck and is thus literally playing all of these games at once. This may mean she may overheat her processor and then EoFF will be denied its Robot Mascot but understand that those updates were all written weeks ago as she multitasks her library while downloading more Elder Scroll Mods while programming more. Skynet is real folks and she's incapable of initiating the Apocalypse because Steam prevents her from using her processing power to determine how best to initate human extinction. So think about the next time you complain about the new Steam sale with its great oooohhh Civ5 for $5.99?! I may not be able to feed my hypothetal family tonight but at least I'll have Civ5 and the knowledge that Pike isn't preparing for my death because she's too busy kicking my ass in the game...
Sephex Plays Five Nights at Freddy's 4
When I hear something like Five Nights at Freddy's 4, I think of some trashy 80s style porn with terrible acting and well um... sex I guess. When people remind me the game involves scary animatronics coming to life, it still doesn't change my mind on this first thought. My next memory is watching a friend play a drinking game with one of the Let's Plays and yeah never bet on Freddy people, he'll get you alcohol poisoning. I must give props for a game to reach back and grab onto something as wholesome as the pizza parlor of childhood and show it for what it was, with all the poorly managed animatronics that were shooting sparks and causing a fire hazard every show. I once saw one shoot a spark into some kid's eye and he screamed as it burned his cornea out of the socket. We didn't care because the manager gave us all free pizza and $10 dollars worth of tokens so we would forget the horrible image of the kid slamming into the animatronic, in his blind panic, and be mauled into a gruesome form of bone and flesh. Seriously ask any kid who grew up in that age and we all have a story about the machines taking a child. Sweet Dreams.
