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Thread: Ayen's Plays NATION STATES!

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    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
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    Default Ayen's Plays NATION STATES!

    Welcome one and all to Ayen's Plays Nation States! What is Nation States, you ask? It's a game where you can make your own country and then cycle through several issues (1 or 2 per day) to help develop your country further. Your choices define what will become of your nation. So, to begin, allow me to introduce to you The Republic of Isafaro!

    The Republic of Isafaro is a fledgling, socially progressive nation, remarkable for its irreverence towards religion.

    Hah!

    The hard-nosed population of 5 million Isafaroans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

    We're looking at you, America. We're looking at you.

    The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Defense. The average income tax rate is 39.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

    Take that, wealthy citizens! Goddamn rich people and their tax evading. GIMMIE YOUR WALLET!

    The weak Isafaroan economy,

    We prefer the term 'still in development'.

    worth 129 billion Credits a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Cheese Exports, Pizza Delivery, and Furniture Restoration.

    The kind of contributions first world countries can only dream of!

    State-owned companies are common. Average income is 25,828 Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

    Balance is everything.

    Crime is totally unknown,

    SMURFING SCORE!

    thanks to a capable police force

    Never thought I'd see those words in the same sentence.

    and progressive social policies in education and welfare.

    Or those.

    Isafaro's national animal is the Vulture, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

    Soar free, my beauty. Soar free.

    Leading Causes of Death

    This should be good.

    96.2% Old Age

    Hot damn that is awesome! What's the remaining 3.8%?

    Lost in Wilderness

    Natural selection at its finest.

    Isafaroan Government Expenditure
    42.5 Billion Credits – 32.9% GDP


    Is that good? I'm going to assume that's good.

    Administration: 8.7%
    Defense: 11.2%
    Education: 11.8%
    Environment: 5.6%
    Healthcare: 11.2%
    Industry: 5.6%
    International Aid: 5%
    Law & Order: 8.7%
    Public Transport: 8.7%
    Social Policy: 6.8%
    Welfare: 16.8%


    Probably the most even my budget has ever been. All right.

    The Isafaroan Economy
    GDP: 129 Billion Credits
    25,828 Credits Per Person

    Poorest 10% 19,146 Credits Per Person
    Richest 10% 33,682 Credits Per Person

    Government: 32.9%
    State-Owned Industry: 15.7%
    Private Industry: 49.6%
    Black Market: 1.8%


    Oh, dem blacks–! Wait, wait, that's not what I meant!

    All right, now that we have that out of the way, let's see what my country needs from me today.

    Should Democracy Be Compulsory?

    Somehow, I expected more.

    In response to a slow news week,

    Extremely slow.

    certain highbrow newspapers have stirred up the debate over voluntary vs compulsory voting.

    "Compulsory voting makes about as much sense as having the death penalty for attempted suicide," says civil rights activist Roxanne Anderson. "You can't force people to be free! You can only give them the choice. Besides, if all those derelicts who can't be bothered to get off their butts once every few years voted, who would they elect? I shudder to think."


    Yeah, what are we, Australia?

    "It's not contradictory at all," argues political commentator Tobias Hamilton. "The fact is, if not everyone votes, the outcome isn't truly representative. Some groups--like elderly gun nuts--vote more often than others. That's why we always end up with such terrible politicians."

    You're hitting too close to home now, game.

    "This raises an interesting issue," says Jake Plath, your brother.

    I have a brother named Jake? Mom, how come you never told me!? Mommy? MOMMY!

    "And that is: why do we need elections, anyway? Seems to me it would be much simpler if you just decided what was right, and did it. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time?"

    Hm, you raise an interesting point there, brother I've only known for a few seconds. I am objectively always correct about everything from games, movies, television, and the five books I've read in my entire 26 years of living, so why do we need voting? Smurf voting! DICTATORSHIP IT IS!

    Now, what's next?

    Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed

    WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND THE WORD COMPULSORY?!

    Tempers flare in Isafaro as civil libertarians and the healthcare lobby clash once again over mandatory post-mortem organ donation.

    "It's not as crazy as it sounds," says Dr. Renee Summers. "Every day, people die because we don't have the organs to save them. Well, that and widespread under-funding of the health system.


    Excuse me, sir? I'll have you know that 96.2% of people die of old age, so you don't come to my office about no damn widespread under-funding of the health system!

    But the point is, if the government allowed us to take organs from dead people, we could save hundreds of lives a year. And come on, it's not like dead people need them."

    Do the dead people object to this?

    …...................

    Oh, right, you can't. Because you're dead!

    "You keep your damn hands off my organs!" says alarmed hospital patient Imogen Neumann. "They are my organs, and I'll do with them what I like. The government has no right to my body."

    Normally, I'd side with you, Doc, but you insulted my health system spending, and for that, you must pay the price.

    Victory goes to the alarmed hospital patient! Bastards tell me people dying because of widespread under-funding of the health system.

    Pizza Delivery Workers Strike!

    Oh no! How will the world ever get its pizza!?

    Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Pizza Delivery industry.

    You work in the 'Pizza Delivery industry'. You knew what you were getting into.

    "We are the backbone of this country,

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Go ahead.

    and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader May Washington. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well Isafaro's economy manages without any Pizza Delivery, huh?"

    NOT THE PIZZA! ANYTHING BUT THE PIZZA!

    "We pay our employees very generous wages," says employer representative Peter Wall.

    I don't believe you.

    "Especially when you consider that without us, they'd be OUT ON THE STREET.

    Why are you yelling? And why did you put a period after it? It should be an exclamation point. Go back to school!

    Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET!

    There ya go. See? You learn something new everyday.

    Anyway, my point is,

    You had a point?

    if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can't do that in the global marketplace. It'll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking,

    Economically speaking.

    would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot."

    You. Are. A. PIZZA. Delivery. Service! You're like the lowest of the low. No one cares. Least of all me. DISMISSED!

    "But, sir–!"

    DISMISSED!

    Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill

    Way to bring the room down, guys.

    Dorothy Terwilliger lies immobilized in a hospital bed, unable to move. She has end-stage cancer, and wishes to end her struggle against death. However, laws prevent her doctors from obeying her wishes.

    Smurfing laws! Who even writes those, anyway?
    ...oh yeah.

    Dorothy and her family are campaigning for a "Dying with Dignity" bill, to change this situation. She implores the government to legalize euthanasia.

    REALLY bumming me out now.

    "I understand this is a very difficult time for these people," says freelance medical writer Klaus Chandra. "But the solution is not to let our medical system slide down the slippery slope of killing people in pain. We must cure, not kill. This is not the right time for euthanasia."

    How exactly do you plan to cure end-stage cancer? That seems pretty final there.

    "I agree, but go further: there is never a right time for euthanasia," says Bishop Elaine Strange. "The lives we lead are given to us by the grace of God, and he decides when they end. It is not for us to question God's divine purpose, no matter how odd or screwed-up it may seem."

    I'm sorry, do you know what 'irreverence' means? It's on the description of my country. It means a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously. Can you guess which one you are?

    "A thing?"

    That's right, and do you know what we do with things? THROW THEM INTO A FIRE! -activates trap door and sends the Bishop tumbling down into a fire pit-

    Isafaro, there will be cake.

    TO BE CONTINUED!
    P.S: I passed the Dying with Dignity bill
    P.P.S: No people of faith were harmed during the making of this post
    Last edited by Ayen; 02-08-2016 at 02:33 AM.

  2. #2
    Taking care of business Cid's Knight Bubba's Avatar
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    Best LP Summer 2016.

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    Killer of Conversations Galuf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubba View Post
    Best LP Summer 2016.
    TRAITOR!

    i jk sorry.


    Good stuff Ayen
    Lady Jen and Me <3

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    Untalented Game Designer FFNut's Avatar
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    Great stuff so far!

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    I think you're funny ha ha ha (tired at the moment, would've been more wordy otherwise)

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    Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all week.

    ------------------------------------------

    82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, euthanasia is legal.

    Yay?

    82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, elections have been outlawed.

    Now, in light of this development, I want a giant statue of me crafted in Town Square. Gather all the women builders, I require they do this in bikinis! Don't tell my girlfriend.

    82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region.

    WOOHOO! GO ISAFARO–! Oh, wait, that's bad. Shouldn't have pissed me off, Dr. Summers! I wonder if he's related to Buffy Summers? Or a Scott Summers? I hope not. I don't need stakes or lasers coming my way. I have far too many important things to do like... um... Like that thing. You know the thing. Everybody knows the thing!

    82 minutes ago: Isafaro was reclassified from "Democratic Socialists" to "Iron Fist Socialists".

    I like it. Iron Fist. It tells the world we mean business!

    82 minutes ago: Isafaro's influence in The East Pacific rose from "Zero" to "Unproven".

    Whatever that means.

    Budget Time: Accountants Excited

    Ugh! Only been a day and they already want more money from me.

    It's time for the government to allocate spending for the coming year, and as always, special interest groups are keen to have their say.

    But am I keen to listen? That's the real question here.

    "The state of the education system is, in many areas, simply frightful," says Teachers Union leader Elizabeth Giono. "And even where we are doing well, we could do better. I appeal to the authorities for a substantial boost in funding. Remember, the children are our future."

    You mean those four-legged monstrosities that poop, and puke, and cry, and leech off of their parents and society like a common insect? Those 'things' are our future? That's disgusting! I demand a refund!

    "We won't have a future unless we improve police numbers and rebuild the military," says General Jamil Jefferson.

    What? Did you not read the part about crime being nonexistent?

    "Oh, it's all well and good to have your fancy education and your nice cars, until some tinpot dictatorship decides to invade. And don't pretend like there aren't any of them in our region. Our number one priority has to be security."

    Do you even follow the news? We already ARE a dictatorship! Why would it matter to you guys if another one takes over? You'd literally be in the same situation you were before! God, do you think about the things that spews from your mouth or do you sprout it out all willy nilly? Don't answer that, it'll probably be as equally dumb as that entire paragraph. NEXT!

    "Education is nice, but Health and Social Welfare are more important," says celebrity social worker Natalia Johnson. "This is where the people who really need government help are: the marginalized of our society. If we don't help them, what kind of a nation are we?"

    A nation where 96% of its population get to live long enough to die of old age. Am I gonna have to start executing people who keep bringing up healthcare to me?

    "Hey, I've got a crazy idea," says noted libertarian and bird-watcher Faith Lopez.

    More crazier than these people? Let's hear it, then.

    "How about the government stops taking so much tax from people? Give us a tax cut and we'll buy the things we need ourselves. People need to be weaned off the government teat!"

    Hah! Haha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh, Ms. Lopez, you were right. That is a crazy idea! How about this? I'll cut taxes the day YOU get Firefly renewed! Think you can do that? What's that? You can't? That's what I thought.

    Personally, I don't give a trout about any of your problems. Hence the word 'Dictator'. DISMISS!

    Before we wrap this up, there's something I want to show you guys. When you go into settings and go to themes, you can select a Liberal and Conservative theme. When you do this it strikes out what your country's category is and replaces it with one representative of the extremes of the left and right. Let's see what the liberals think of my country.

    Equality and Tolerance Society

    Kissing ass as usual, I see. How about the conservatives?

    Inevitably Bloody Result of Liberal Ideals Mugged By Reality

    Could you try not to sound so jealous there? Republis.

    TO BE CONTINUED!

  7. #7
    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
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    -wakes up to see what new issue he has today-

    Child Casino Shock

    You can already tell this is going to be a classic.

    Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Isafaro's seedier casinos.

    Get them while they're young, I say. Then they'll grow up and talk about how much better casinos were when they were kids.

    Social activist Xu Nagasawa is outraged.

    With a name like that, can you blame them?

    "Gambling needs to be outlawed immediately. It's no wonder children are becoming sucked into the vice, with adults setting such a poor example. Gambling is a stain on Isafaro's international reputation and it must be stopped!"

    Don't you think that's a little bit hypocritical? I mean, you supported sending teenagers into a war zone for money because some soldiers wanted to air a live television broadcast. I don't think you have any right to complain about them gambling.

    However, Crown Casino chairperson Sashona O says, "What's wrong with children gambling? It prepares them for the realities of life, teaching them that success or failure is not due to hard work or intelligence, but the roll of the dice. Besides, if kids weren't gambling, they'd be spray painting trains."

    This is true. It's not like children are individuals. They just feel the sudden compulsion to vandalize private property if we don't keep them preoccupied with something else. Like cellphones. That's right, the entire mobile market is based around keeping kids from spray painting trains, or being the least bit productive. CELLPHONES FOR EVERYONE!

    You know what? If a child want to put their piggy bank on the line, who am I to stand in their way? UNDERAGE GAMBLING FOR ALL!

    TO BE CONTINUED!

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    Taking care of business Cid's Knight Bubba's Avatar
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    Little Jimmy wins $3M which he can't spend as he doesn't have a bank account. He also wins a new car that he can't drive and a night with the casino hooker... where they'll probably just play Connect4 all night.

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    All of the underage gambling!

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    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
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    19 hours ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables.

    Huh, they can't be lasting long at the blackjack table with short change.

    19 hours ago: Isafaro was reclassified from "Iron Fist Socialists" to "Libertarian Police State".

    Aww!

    The hard-nosed, cynical population of 7 million Isafaroans are proud of their wide-ranging civil freedoms, and those who aren't tend to be dragged off the streets by men in dark suits and hustled into cars with tinted windows.

    Nothing to see here, people! Move along!

    My economy has improved and, wait.

    Heart Disease 41%
    Murder 5.5%


    WHAT THE SMURF HAPPENED TO MY PERFECT DEATH COUNT? Oh, you just think you're SOOOOO clever, don't you, Dr. Summers?

    Appointment Of Spiritual Advisor

    We have a Spiritual Advisor?

    It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:

    I'm pretty sure I had elections outlawed. What the smurf?

    Catholic Archbishop Klaus Johnson: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.

    Because nothing says love and forgiveness like making you feel bad about your personal choices. Keep it real, Klaus!

    New Age thinker Colin Lopez: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."

    That... actually sounds perfectly rational. People have a strange definition of 'radical'. I mean, we have kids gambling in casinos. I don't think the bar is particularly high right now.

    Finally, there's Sarah Rikkard. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared.

    Then why are you running? That makes about as much sense as a political party somewhere wanting to leave the union of the very government they're working to get a seat in so they'll be out of a job immediately afterwords if they actually keep their promise. The hell is wrong with you?

    "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."

    Ohhhhhhhh! You're one of them. .going with the atheist.

    Vultures On The Dinner Table?

    Those assholes always breaking the dishes and getting their feathers everywhere.

    In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for Isafaro's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that Vultures could be added to the menu.

    You... you want to eat the vultures?

    "The fact is, the Vulture population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Hillary al-Zahawi. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have Vulture kebabs, Vulture pies, Vulture-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."



    "I agree that something needs to be done about Vulture over-population," says random passer-by Lucas de Groot, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."

    I'm sorry, care to repeat that? All I heard was, I am Groot.

    "I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Randy Mistletoe. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The Vultures were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The Vulture is part of what makes Isafaro a great nation!"

    Yeah, I'm gonna go with the SPCA President person. The rest of you are horrible, horrible people, and will now get to decide your own execution. Your following options are:

    The Electric Chair
    Lethal Injection
    Gas Chamber
    The Firing Squad
    Hangings
    Beheading
    Crucifixion
    Burnt at the Stake

    If you do not choose an execution method within 24 hours one will be provided to you by random selection.

    Goodnight, Isafaro! May a flight of Vultures lead thee to thy rest.

    TO BE CONTINUED!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayen View Post

    ------------------------------------------

    82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, euthanasia is legal.

    Yay?

    82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, elections have been outlawed.

    Now, in light of this development, I want a giant statue of me crafted in Town Square. Gather all the women builders, I require they do this in bikinis! Don't tell my girlfriend.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ayen View Post

    Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Isafaro's seedier casinos.

    Get them while they're young, I say. Then they'll grow up and talk about how much better casinos were when they were kids.

    Social activist Xu Nagasawa is outraged.

    With a name like that, can you blame them?

    Ok, I think the whole "not telling the girlfriend" ship has sailed lol

    I think youre very very funny (well obviously) :-D

  12. #12
    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
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    Where's The Love Gone?

    It's in my pants.

    Last night the respected tabloid TV show "60 Minutes" ran a report on Isafaro's rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?

    How can you be a TV show AND a tabloid? Stop being so greedy 60 Minutes!

    "There's a simple solution," says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. "Divorce should be illegal. 'For better or worse,' anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be."

    Speaking from personal experience by any chance?

    John Black, author of the hit book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,' has a simpler solution. "If couples would just call each other 'darling' once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse 'darling' at least once a day, or face a fine."

    H-how the hell would you expect us to regulate that? Do you think we should just go door to door asking people if they called their spouse 'darling' that day? Because it's not like I have anything better to do with my time. Jesus Christ you're dumber than the catholic!

    "There's a simple way to boost the marriage rate," says gay rights activist Chloe Smith. "Abolish those archaic laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It's obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones."

    So, my choices are outlaw divorce, enforce pet names, or legalize gay marriage?

    Well, I guess the choice is obvious, then. We'll outlaw divorce!

    I'm kidding! Let the gays marry. Then their happiness will quickly come to an end!

    Cash For Colons?

    Nothing good can ever come from this title.

    Hospitals have requested that they be allowed to pay people for donating blood and other bodily organs, such as kidneys.

    I admit, I had a different mental image going into this one.

    "We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs," says Isafaro One hospital administrator Ryan Winters.

    Winter is coming!

    "Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we'd get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred Credits in compensation. Unless it's a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we'd pay the family."

    Sounds good. What says the opposition?

    "Great idea," says social commentator Matilda Yeats.

    Well, in that case–

    "Except for one thing.

    Ugh.

    You know who's going to be selling their organs? Poor people!



    They'll be so desperate for money that they'll sell their own kidneys.



    Well, a kidney.

    Nice save.

    This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed."

    Thank you very much... for wasting my time! Men, give Yeats 99 lashes with the whip.

    "YES SIR!"

    Matilda Yeats: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

    God, I missed the screams.

    TO BE CONTINUED!
    Last edited by Ayen; 02-12-2016 at 08:21 AM. Reason: What edited post? I don't see an edited post. Do you see an edited post? That's what I thought.

  13. #13
    Sh♥tposter Extraordinaire Jinx's Avatar
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    UGH WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS AN LP

    I WISH IT WAS LIKE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN WE ALL STARTED OUR OWN NATION STATE (also I am doing this very thing rn)
    mfw you post

  14. #14
    Taking care of business Cid's Knight Bubba's Avatar
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    Same-sex marriages? What blasphemy is this??

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    Resident Critic Ayen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubba View Post
    Same-sex marriages? What blasphemy is this??
    Following new legislation in Isafaro, the nation's official head of religious affairs is an atheist.


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