Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all week.

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82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, euthanasia is legal.

Yay?

82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, elections have been outlawed.

Now, in light of this development, I want a giant statue of me crafted in Town Square. Gather all the women builders, I require they do this in bikinis! Don't tell my girlfriend.

82 minutes ago: Following new legislation in Isafaro, organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region.

WOOHOO! GO ISAFARO–! Oh, wait, that's bad. Shouldn't have pissed me off, Dr. Summers! I wonder if he's related to Buffy Summers? Or a Scott Summers? I hope not. I don't need stakes or lasers coming my way. I have far too many important things to do like... um... Like that thing. You know the thing. Everybody knows the thing!

82 minutes ago: Isafaro was reclassified from "Democratic Socialists" to "Iron Fist Socialists".

I like it. Iron Fist. It tells the world we mean business!

82 minutes ago: Isafaro's influence in The East Pacific rose from "Zero" to "Unproven".

Whatever that means.

Budget Time: Accountants Excited

Ugh! Only been a day and they already want more money from me.

It's time for the government to allocate spending for the coming year, and as always, special interest groups are keen to have their say.

But am I keen to listen? That's the real question here.

"The state of the education system is, in many areas, simply frightful," says Teachers Union leader Elizabeth Giono. "And even where we are doing well, we could do better. I appeal to the authorities for a substantial boost in funding. Remember, the children are our future."

You mean those four-legged monstrosities that poop, and puke, and cry, and leech off of their parents and society like a common insect? Those 'things' are our future? That's disgusting! I demand a refund!

"We won't have a future unless we improve police numbers and rebuild the military," says General Jamil Jefferson.

What? Did you not read the part about crime being nonexistent?

"Oh, it's all well and good to have your fancy education and your nice cars, until some tinpot dictatorship decides to invade. And don't pretend like there aren't any of them in our region. Our number one priority has to be security."

Do you even follow the news? We already ARE a dictatorship! Why would it matter to you guys if another one takes over? You'd literally be in the same situation you were before! God, do you think about the things that spews from your mouth or do you sprout it out all willy nilly? Don't answer that, it'll probably be as equally dumb as that entire paragraph. NEXT!

"Education is nice, but Health and Social Welfare are more important," says celebrity social worker Natalia Johnson. "This is where the people who really need government help are: the marginalized of our society. If we don't help them, what kind of a nation are we?"

A nation where 96% of its population get to live long enough to die of old age. Am I gonna have to start executing people who keep bringing up healthcare to me?

"Hey, I've got a crazy idea," says noted libertarian and bird-watcher Faith Lopez.

More crazier than these people? Let's hear it, then.

"How about the government stops taking so much tax from people? Give us a tax cut and we'll buy the things we need ourselves. People need to be weaned off the government teat!"

Hah! Haha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Ms. Lopez, you were right. That is a crazy idea! How about this? I'll cut taxes the day YOU get Firefly renewed! Think you can do that? What's that? You can't? That's what I thought.

Personally, I don't give a trout about any of your problems. Hence the word 'Dictator'. DISMISS!

Before we wrap this up, there's something I want to show you guys. When you go into settings and go to themes, you can select a Liberal and Conservative theme. When you do this it strikes out what your country's category is and replaces it with one representative of the extremes of the left and right. Let's see what the liberals think of my country.

Equality and Tolerance Society

Kissing ass as usual, I see. How about the conservatives?

Inevitably Bloody Result of Liberal Ideals Mugged By Reality

Could you try not to sound so jealous there? Republis.

TO BE CONTINUED!