-wakes up to see what new issue he has today-

Child Casino Shock

You can already tell this is going to be a classic.

Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Isafaro's seedier casinos.

Get them while they're young, I say. Then they'll grow up and talk about how much better casinos were when they were kids.

Social activist Xu Nagasawa is outraged.

With a name like that, can you blame them?

"Gambling needs to be outlawed immediately. It's no wonder children are becoming sucked into the vice, with adults setting such a poor example. Gambling is a stain on Isafaro's international reputation and it must be stopped!"

Don't you think that's a little bit hypocritical? I mean, you supported sending teenagers into a war zone for money because some soldiers wanted to air a live television broadcast. I don't think you have any right to complain about them gambling.

However, Crown Casino chairperson Sashona O says, "What's wrong with children gambling? It prepares them for the realities of life, teaching them that success or failure is not due to hard work or intelligence, but the roll of the dice. Besides, if kids weren't gambling, they'd be spray painting trains."

This is true. It's not like children are individuals. They just feel the sudden compulsion to vandalize private property if we don't keep them preoccupied with something else. Like cellphones. That's right, the entire mobile market is based around keeping kids from spray painting trains, or being the least bit productive. CELLPHONES FOR EVERYONE!

You know what? If a child want to put their piggy bank on the line, who am I to stand in their way? UNDERAGE GAMBLING FOR ALL!

TO BE CONTINUED!