Following new legislation in Isafaro, the Vulture is a protected species.
Damn right it is!
Following new legislation in Isafaro, same-sex marriages are increasingly common.
That's right, everybody get their gay on! I WANT A PYRAMID OF GUYS AND GALS GETTING IT ON AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Following new legislation in Isafaro, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys.
Times are tough.
Isafaro's influence in The East Pacific rose from "Unproven" to "Hatchling".
Yes. Soon we'll rise above all the other puny countries and become the world's number one super power! ONWARD TO VICTORY!
Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
Excuse me I do not yakk! That is so rude!
Some people say Isafaro's policy on free speech has gone too far.
Damn you freedom! How many innocent people have to suffer before we rid of you for good!?
"These days, anyone says whatever they want with no regard to what kind of dribble is coming out of their mouths!" says angry commuter Josh Goethe.
Case in point, Donald Trump.
"It's gone too far. We should go back to the good old days, when if someone started talking garbage, we'd smack them one."
Can I smack Donald Trump?
"We need more free speech, not less," argues civil rights campaigner Megan Dubois. "Free speech allows ideas to be explored, challenged, and discussed in a productive, open forum. It teaches our kids to be critical thinkers. And dirty words, of course, but that's just the price you pay."
Smurf trout damn bastard bitch ass !
"The right to free speech is a central tenet of our system of democracy," says religious leader Prudence Purpose.
I feel a but coming on -- WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY!
"But
Knew it.
surely the right to not have your religious beliefs mocked by others is worth something, too? We mustn't put up with intolerance!"
But I like making fun of you.
It gives me pleasure.
Like eating mass amount of stuffing and mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving Day!
Give the kids more freedom to say bad words!
Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
What!? My taxes are plenty fair!
A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.
You want dissatisfaction? Try being a twenty-six year old virgin! Not that I have any experience with that or anything. STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THAT FACE!
"Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker Rochelle Delauter.
20,000 credits. And I assure you they're going to a good cause.
Me.
"Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."
Why are those three always the first things you people want to cut!?
"It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist Sue-Ann Trax. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."
What the smurf? I thought I was already taxing the rich?
"I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Aaron Pushkin. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their Credits go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."
The cynic in me disagrees, and besides I can't go having people think this is a democracy or something. I'm god and king around here!
TAX THE RICH!
Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
FOREIGNERS!
Cheap, foreign-made cars are becoming increasingly popular, causing concern in Isafaro's automobile manufacturing industry.
Curses! Another Isafaroan job outsourced to China!
"Unless this government does something, Isafaro won't have an auto industry for much longer," says auto industry union boss Evan Johnson, in a rare public appearance alongside management. "These foreign companies employ people for a few Credits a day. The only way to level the playing field is to raise tariffs. The government would make more money, too, so it's win-win."
I do like making money. You make a strong case, sir.
"For once, I agree with my grubby colleague here," says General Chassis CEO Ryan Cruz. "Although I have to say, tariffs aren't the only answer. A more effective solution would be to abolish minimum wage laws. Now that would level the playing field. And we'd be able to employ more--argh, let go of my throat!"
Hah! That's what you get for sharing a surname with Ted Cruz.
"I think we need to face facts," says noted economist and chat-show regular Finlay Rikkard. "We live in a global economy now, and automobile manufacturing just isn't Isafaro's strong suit. There's no point taking money from taxpayers in order to line the pockets of a few greedy workers and corrupt managers in a doomed industry. Let the market take its--argh, let go of my throat!"
Okay, will someone find the guy who keeps grabbing everyone's throats pleases!?
How dare you imply that Isafaro doesn't know how to make cars! We love making cars! Cars making is one of our better markets! GIVE MOAR MONEY TO THE BUSINESSES!
TO BE CONTINUED!