Grunt - Rite of Passage

Staying on Tachunka, it's time to get young Grunt to kiss my arse too. He's been increasingly angry and basically wants to tear everything apart all the time and thinks something might be wrong with him. I could've told you that, pal. Hopefully the dudes on Tuchanka might be able to help him out with his little problem.

I went to my pal T-Wrex first of all and he didn't disappoint. It turns out there's nothing wrong with Grunt, he's just going through Krogan puberty! That would explain all those awkward erections on the last mission. Wrex sent us over to the Krogan Shaman who explained that young Grunt will need to complete a rite of passage to prove his worth. Only then will he be considered a true Krogan.

There was a bit of a problem though as Grunt is a clone and doesn't belong to any clan. Not all the Krogans were keen on him taking the rite but Shepard, as per usual, talked them round. Also, there is no way our boy Grunt is going in there alone. Myself and Jack are gonna be right by your side... taking pictures and laughing.

The rite was actually pretty cool. Have you ever played Super Smash TV? It's kind of like that. A big arena with enemies that come pouring in from all sides... only without the cheesy TV host shouting "Big money, big prizes! I love it!" We basically have to press this keystone to initiate a wave of enemies. Me being a complete idiot, I decide to scour the battlefield for supplies before starting the first wave. I then realised that I may need these supplies after each wave had finished. The first human spectre, everyone.

Eventually I pressed the keystone to get us started, if only to get Grunt to stop saying "Press the keystone, Shepard", "Shepard, you need to press the keystone", "You need to activate the keystone, Shepard"... I KNOW you big, annoying prick.

OK, first wave was a piece of piss. It was just a load of Varren stinking up the battlefield. I was able to take most of them out from afar. The ones that did get in close regretted doing so instantly. The second wave I crapped myself initially as this huge flying vulture appeared that I couldn't shoot. Luckily, it was just dropping a load of those Klixen finger monster things. This was definitely tougher as they came from all angles and man... do not let these things get close to you. They do obscene amounts of damage so I did lots of brave running away. Oh yeah, what's the deal with Shepard only being able to sprint for about three seconds before getting knackered?? The dude is more unfit than I am!

Wave three and what a blast from the past! A Thresher Maw! These bendy bastards caused plenty of Shepard deaths back on my ME1 play through. Apparently, I only had to survive this encounter for five minutes. Great. I was clearly about to be battered by this thing. I decided I wanted Grunt to pass his rite with flying colours though so I tried taking the thing down. His armour was tough as sh*t so I whipped out the old lazer. It was still only taking it down slowly, plus the blasted thing kept destroying my cover. I was soooo close to dying twice. We did it eventually though I think with about a minute remaining. Go team!

We weren't done yet though. One of the Krogans from earlier (the one who opposed Grunt's participation in the rite) showed up and had clearly changed his tune. He invited Grunt to join their clan after watching his awesome display against the Thresher Maw. Grunt though, remembering the Krogan's animosity towards him earlier, blew a raspberry at him and called him a smelly poopoohead. Cue firefight!

Following the defeat of a Thresher Maw, these chumps were easy work. We took some cover and picked them all off in a matter of minutes. End of mission! Grunt was confirmed a Krogan by the Shaman and even ended up joining Wrex's Urdnot clan. Couldn't have chosen a better one for you, son!

Tune in next time when Shepard takes part in Movember resulting in him accidentally being added to the sex offenders register.