Bubba's Mass Effect Adventures

[Bubba]

Thane - Sins of the Father

After a brief chat with Thane it's clear he isn't going to win any father-of-the-year awards. He left his wife and son at home while he gallivanted around the world assassinating people. Come on mate, you need to address your work/life balance! It seems Thane's son has found out what his Dad does for a living and decided to follow in his footsteps. It's a good job he's not my son otherwise he'd be sat in an open-plan office watching Elaine from recruitment stuff her face with a Krispy Kreme donut.

Following Garrus' mission, we were conveniently already on the Citadel where this sh*t was gonna go down. I chatted to Captain Baileys who had a lead on where we could find Thane's son. He also gave me a sob story about all the orphans dotted around the Citadel. Look mate, FFXV comes out in twelve days and I need to have this game finished. I'll sign up for Save the Children once I've saved the galaxy.

We're directed to the Dark Star Lounge to find some dude called Mouse. Apparently he was one of these orphaned kids but he managed to do quite well for himself. He spots Thane and actually calls him Krios (Thane's surname) thinking it is Thane's son. BUSTED! Mouse was apprehensive about giving up his contact but Thane was all like "No harm will befall you..." in that comforting voice he has. I was convinced.

Mouse gave us the name of Elias Kelham who was a petty criminal from the Citadel. Baileys kindly sets up an interrogation for us. Ooooh exciting! Because I'm clearly a closet renegade, I chose to be 'bad cop' to Thane's 'good cop'. I couldn't resist! We explain to him that this meeting is "off the record" and tried to put him at ease by jovially discussing the recent DEA raid on Charlie Sheen's house. He saw right through this though and refused to tell us anything. I had a load of renegade interrupts flash up and I was soooooo tempted as this guy was a prick. I stuck to my paragon guns and thought my chance had disappeared when his lawyer walks into the room.

The threat of court though was enough to convince Kelham and his lawyer to spill the beans. Kelham hired Thane's son (Kolbert or something) to assassinate some Turian politician. We'd better get a shifty on as Kolbert is tracking this poor sod down as we speak!

Thane explained the plan. I was gonna follow this politician and keep Thane updated as to his whereabouts. Thane was gonna hide in the shadows and try and find Kolbert. This bit was cool! I slinked along some upper catwalks like... like something that slinks. I kept this dude and his bodyguard in view as they walked around the Citadel. I thoroughly enjoyed this and immediately started looking online for careers in private investigation.

Suddenly, a wild cut-scene appeared! Yes, that was a Pokemon reference... what of it? Kolbert tries to take out the politician but unfortunately seems to have gone through Storm Trooper training. He accidentally injures the Krogan bodyguard which gives us a chance to catch up to him and give him a slap round the chops. We distract Kolbert by shooting a lamp next to him which allows our Turian politician to make his escape.

Thane and his son were then left to embrace which made me exclaim "God, get a room." Worryingly, they did just that as Baileys gave them the use of his office. A little while later they emerged and I had no desire to enquire as to what went on.

Baileys was looking to get a conviction for Kolbert's attempt on the politician's life. Baileys is my bitch though and I convinced him to keep it within C-Sec. Mission completed!

Tune in next time when the crew are equally baffled and annoyed that a pair of Jehovah's witnesses managed to track them down in the middle of deep space.