Quote Originally Posted by Bubba View Post
Memories of the Collector ship came flooding back as Shepard, Jack & Grunt went zooming out on one of those floaty-hexagonal platforms. Turns out it was a platform party as we were soon joined Harbingers, Guardians, Scions... a load of sh*tbags, basically. Cover was pretty decent though and we were soon across the other side relatively unscathed.

We activate the terminal here and... HO-LY SH*T. Hanging from the roof is a huge human/geth-thing looking a bit like the Terminator's disabled brother only, you know... a thousand times bigger. It turns out this thing is being fed by the human dolmio paste that the Collectors were extracting from thousands of humans. Man alive... though, man dead is probably more apt.

This thing presumably never learned to swim as it had a couple of inflatable orange armbands on each arm. All we had to do was pop these armbands and the things would fall to its death... if it is even alive. The armbands were covered by barriers until we'd dealt with a few easy cretins. We eventually popped them one at a time and the big bastard was down!
Just in case you forgot where we were at

Our glorious moment was interrupted by Joker who said that the Illusive Man would like a word with us. Nah man, I'm busy setting charges that will blow this places to smithereens! What are smithereens anyway? I'll google that in a minute. Suddenly, the Illusive Man's hologram appeared in front of us. How rude. Talk about the INTRUSIVE man! Amirite?!!! Bubba - Funniest Member Winter Ciddies 2016.

Anyway, he wants us to reconsider out decision to blow the place up. He wants us to set an EMP which will kill the Collectors and hand all their technology over to him. Hey, why not? I'm sure you will only use this technology for good and not abuse it in anyway... NOT! Haha, that's right. I'm bringing NOT jokes back. Deal with it.

We of course decided to blow the smithereens, which by the way are defined as fragments or small pieces. The more you know. We were gonna set charges for ten minutes (why not 30... or 60, eh?) to make things very dramatic. It was this moment when Terminator Junior decided to make an appearance. Fuuuuuuuuckkkkk!!!!!

He went swinging around our platform like a horny gibbon exposing his handily-indicated 'weak spot'. This was a great final fight! He is pretty smurfing deadly so I hid and waited for him to expose himself (). I can't be far from the end so I went with a full Heavy Weapon onslaught. It took me a while as he wasn't exposed for very long. I didn't see a timer so I hope the ten-minute countdown isn't going! After much caution and patience, we finally emerge victorious!

A particularly stressful cut-scene played out in which Jack nearly slid off the crumbling platform only to be bravely saved by our hero Shepard. Lots of crumbling, smoke and confusion and when the dust settles, Shepard crawls out from underneath some debris. Jack and Grunt were ok too! Nobody died!

Joker shows up in the sight-for-sore-eyes Normandy. Jack and Grunt safely board and Joker then thinks "Eh, two-out-of-three ain't bad" and decides to leave. Luckily, Shepard was an Olympic triple-jumper in his youth and just manages to launch himself twenty feet and grab hold of the entrance. Thanks for waiting, f**ker.

A couple more cut-scenes and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! It is with tremendous sadness that I must report the loss of a crew member on this journey you've taken with me. I will no longer be able to enjoy the cocaine-fuelled chatter of Mordin. I obviously made a poor choice somewhere along the way. Rest in peace you beautiful, beautiful Salarian.

This really bummed me out and soured which was actually a great ending to a truly amazing game. After blasting out of there and watching the Collector Base blow up into fragments and small pieces, we caught up with the Illusive Man who was disappointed in my actions. Don't give a sh*t, mate. Go f**k yourself with a rusty pipe. From now on, Shepard doesn't play by your rules. He plays by his own rules. Unless his rules turn out to be stupid then he plays by no-one's rules.

Shepard coolly walks through a sorry-looking Normandy while all his crew look at him like he's some sort of god. I recognise the look as it's the same one I get from my other half following fornication.This may not be true Thus endeth my first playthrough of Mass Effect 2!

I'll pop up a proper review of this soonish then I'll be cracking on with Mass Effect 3 once I'm done with FFXV! Seriously though, this is the most fun I've had with a game in a long time. It was f**king spectacular. I'm itching to experience it all again!

Let me know what you think of how I did. More importantly though, tell me how I save all the crew for when I play this again!