Priority: Citadel (cont...)

A well-deserved chillax back at Casa del Shepard was the order of the day. I have a nice parle with crew: James has a crush on our new pal Brooks, Javik was hanging around outside my bedroom like a creepy perve... and Tali revealed she used to enjoy watching the marine life through the sushi restaurant window... until I destroyed it half an hour ago.

Anyway, Liara the Shadow Broker extraordinaire has found a lead on my attempted assassination and identity theft. There's a shady bloke called Khan who deals in arms... that's weapons, not limbs... and he owns a casino. ALSO, the casino has an upcoming charity event! Time for some sneaky-sneaky-stealthy-stealthy action. Our excitement was hard to contain! Liara even cracked a joke about a Hanar prostitute with camera implants. Good times

Anyhoo, we rock up at the casino and f*** me... Shepard, Brooks & Garrus on the red carpet might just be the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Brooks heads to the ventilation shaft and it's up to Liara and I to distract the guards and disable alarms & cameras. Game on!

Before that though, we had some mingling to do. I decided my first port of call was to crush it on the dancefloor. What followed was a dazzling fusion of sexy/geeky street dance which left a lifelong impression on any onlookers. I followed this up with some ill-advised gambling... I managed to break even at Quaser before losing spectacularly betting on a three-legged varren named Princess.

OK, Brooks wanted access to a shaft (SPOILER) so I had to distract some dopey-looking guard. I informed him that some junkie was doing Red Sand in the toilets... the fact that it was Shepard required no explanation.

We then had to disable a sensor & camera which were being watched by a second guard. It was Garrus' turn to distract the guard. Being the charasmatic stud that he is, within two seconds the guard was madly in love and Shepard nipped in to disable the system.

There was another section with multiple terminals and guards that I totally sucked ass at. I'm not gonna talk about that too much as it took me for-f***ing-ever. Let's just skip to the part where we deactivated what we needed and gained access to the panic room.

Oh dear.

It turns out our man Khan is deader than a Saturday night in Salt Lake City. Worse than that, all the data drives have been wiped. The unknown culprit then appears over comms to tell us that he's going to destroy me and everything that I stand for. Considering I stand for alcohol, hookers and red sand... I definitely need to try and stop this guy. We grab the deleted drive and whisk it back to my apartment to see if EDI can salvage anything.

Tune in next time when Shepard kidnaps Princess the three-legged varren and serves her as part of a slap-up barbeque on her balcony.