We all know the joke, don't we? "The staff are nasty Shinra!" It's repeated often and over again. It's one of EoFF's many inside jokes, alongside such classics like "soup is a drink" and "ever think of the jerkhole?"
Honestly, it's a tiresome, insulting joke. The staff work really hard for the betterment of all EoFF. From the highest Administrators, to the Editors, Social Media Managers, Tech Admins, Chat Operators and Cid Knights, every person in a staffing role is fair-minded, friendly and most importantly, definitely absolutely positively
NOT evil or corrupt.
Look how happy they are? Would these people take your money?
Allow me to go on at length about each and every member nominated for 'Gnarliest Staffer' and how pure of heart each of them are. Starti-
... nope. No. I can't do it. I can't go on like this, keeping up this charade. I must reveal the truth to all the EoFF members, who have been lied to all these years. Wake up, sheeple! What you thought was just a simple joke is actually cold, hard fact. The EoFF staff actually
are Shinra! They hired me to continue falsifying reports and produce good publicity for them, but before they ban me and erase all memory of my existence, the word must be known!
The entire organisation is involved. Every member that has been nominated for 'Gnarliest Staffer' is involved with the corrupt organisation. I've been working with a deep cover journalist, who has managed to smuggle in some shocking secrets about EoFF staffing practice.
A secret photograph of a typical EoFF staff meeting
Let's start with
Bubba. This man only recently joined Shinra, but he's quickly shot up the ranks due to a few unscrupulous fixing events. Did you know he had a child just to secure a 'Cutest Couple' Ciddie? There are no words to describe the lengths this man would go to. Who knows where that child is now? Is the child becoming indoctrinated at an early age to serve Shinra's purposes? Or something far worse? Unfortunately my colleague has been unable to enter Shinra's kindergarten on floor 53 of the Shinra building. He gets to floor 24 via the stairs but gets way out of breath and has to stop. I did ask him to use the elevator, but he says it malfunctions frequently.
Then there's
Depression Moon. This man is an editor, which in Shinra-speak means 'Propaganda Extraordinaire'.
There are rumours that Depression Moon is in league with game developers and E3 to dupe us into being hyped for the remake of Final Fantasy VII. They lure us in with enticing gameplay tasters and trailers, but what they do not reveal is that Final Fantasy VII is actually a freemium mobile game. With a daily play limit.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Those monsters.
While some specialise in disinformation, others enjoy extracting information from others. Painfully. With pliers. Maybe shackles. Torture - I'm talking about torture guys.
Freya doesn't appear the type to engage in such violent acts. Look at her profile? A Kawaii dragon? Adorable! A cute little fork icon? Daawww. But that silk hides some serious, blood-soaked steel. Freya isn't called 'Master of the Fork' for her badass culinary skills. She uses that fork for more... painful activity. This shocking footage captured in secret by my colleague shows Freya at her devious worst.
Reports are unclear whether she has upgraded to sporking
With a name like
Psychotic, you'd think this guy would be more suited to instruments of death and torture. Actually, this guy is above such actions. Psychotic is actually one of the highest executives in Shinra. He controls so much - there's possibly some powers we don't even know about. One clue about his reach is within his own location. "...to wipe away the debt", like some kind of anti-Lannister. Suspicious. And we don't know how EoFF is even funded, leading to more suspicion that it EoFF is just a Shinra front!
Pumpkin's different, however. From what little we know of her, she appears rather normal, at least compared to the soulless corporate demons of the other staff members. But every staff member has done or is something reprehensible, and Pumpkin has a guilty secret that could topple the organisation...
... she's CANADIAN.
Spit your tea out in surprise, Cid
This would surely damage the reputation of Shinra, yup, I'm sure. If we keep spreading the word, we can dismantle the nasty Shinra, one staff member at a time! The people will raise up in anger!
But stopping them will be difficult when Shinra employs tough-as-nails enforcers of their unfair laws.
Sephex and
Shauna are two of Shinra's top Cid's Knights, no doubt chosen due to their steely glares and alliterative names. It is their role to crush any hint of rebellion or dissent. They are truly to be feared.
This is one of the Cid's Knights accosting an innocent member
Or you could vote for one of them. I guess. There's that too. 
Originally Posted by Tara, 2016
Depression Moon
Master of the Fork
Cid's Knight
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