The Bubbadook's House of Inappropriate Experiments

[Bubba]

We've all woken up after a heavy night with breath that smells like you've been eating sh*t. Well spare a thought for the poor volunteers in my recent human centipede experiments. Honestly though, I don't think they mind too much as I haven't heard a single word of complaint. Maybe human waste is tastier than we think!

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I obviously use the term "volunteers" loosely but it's all in the name of science. I mean where would we be as a species without Edison's light bulb, Fleming's penicillin or Christianity's Judas Cradle?

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The Judas Cradle!


It is my belief that the human species are capable of great things. That being the case I intend to test the boundaries of human suffering by coming up with the most horrific methods of torture imaginable.

Here are a few of my favourites from back in the day!

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The Brazen Bull - Slowly cooked alive inside a metal bull - hot stuff!


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Impalement - Vlad the Impaler once did this to 20,000 people whilst he had his dinner - what a ledge!


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The Rack - stretched until all your joints were dislocated and eventually your limbs detached from your torso - cracking!


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Saw Torture - Strung up by the feet and sawn in half - PMSL!!


Over the next ten days stay tuned for my new methods of human torture which will be accompanied by diagrams and explanations. Enjoy!

[Bubba]

Torture 1 - The Room

Though this torture does involve you being in a room... this isn't the room in question. We are of course referring to the 2003 box office smash The Room. Tommy Wiseau stars as an intellectually-disabled adult male with extremely questionable acting abilities. The victim is tied to a chair for an entire year whilst this film is played on repeat and at full volume. The victim is kept alive on a drip and receives an electric shock every time Johnny says "Oh hi" to someone.



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[Bubba]

Torture 2 - Being forced to drink cake bake from a dead horse's vagina

This suggestion clearly came from a very disturbed mind. In fact, not much is known about this torture as no-one really knows what the f**k it means. This person is currently sectioned so questioning them about the intricacies of the torture is not an option. Wherever this horrific idea came from is clearly appealing to me as a deranged scientist. Hopefully this individual can contribute more to my list of tortures in the days to come. Meanwhile, we can only guess as to what the hell he was going on about.

I have attempted a diagram of what I think this torture would entail.

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[Pike]

trick or treat?

[Bubba]

trick or treat?

You get a...Treat!!

Quantum Leap's Samuel Beckett dressed as a woman!

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[Night Fury]

trick or treat pwease

[Bubba]

trick or treat pwease

You get a... TRICK

Reality TV stars Lewis Bloor and Marnie Simpson tonguing on the Big Brother couch

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[Fynn]

TRICK OR TREAT!

[Bubba]

TRICK OR TREAT!

You get a... TRICK

You get the Pokemon franchise ruined for you in one picture

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[Pumpkin]

TREAT OR TREAT!

[Bubba]

TREAT OR TREAT!

You get a... TREAT

A picture of a sheep playing a classical guitar!

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[Psychotic]

Ding dong! Hello I am lich! Trick or treat!

[Bubba]

Ding dong! Hello I am lich! Trick or treat!

You get a...TREAT

Patrice Evra celebrating in front of a dejected Luis Suarez!

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[Freya]

BOoooooo!

Trick or treat!