I am crazy. For months and months I have been unable to get over my boyfriend of two and a half years. I have been pathetically unable to function. I cry a lot and have a tendency to be reclusive. I think that everyone hates me and that I have nothing to live for. He has already had two other girlfriends since we broke up. I feel like I was nothing to him for those two years because he won't even talk to me anymore. I feel worthless and abandoned and unloved. I feel out of control, like I can't even control my own mind, like I'm not even alive anymore. I go into these crazy trances where I can't stop crying and I wake up later covered in blood because the inly way I can get myself to stop crying is to cut myself with razor blades.:sad: I don't know what to do. I'm afraid one day I'll never wake up; yet the idea of not feeling anymore is strangely relaxing. Anyhow, I hope anyone with similar problems realizes they're not alone, because these are the times when you feel the most alone. Here's a poem:
Pain

With open arms I accept it readily,
Holding the pain, my gift, my pleasure.
The pain forewarns, I drag it heavily.
My pretty pain, my only treasure.
You give it freely
I accept anything from you,
My beautiful god of love and pain.
I give my love, you give it back
Transformed into my lovely pain,
My beautiful gift.
Holding the pain in my heart,
Cradling it.
Galvanizing it in my evil,
For an evil like me deserves only pain.
I accept the pain you generously bestow
On me, a creature so low,
The pain that is my ultimate present.
So I keep it, my precious pain.
I drag the razors across my skin
And let the pain sink in.
I am so evil, pain is my pleasure,
My only treasure.