The Doctrines of True Snizzism

It is the sacred duty of anyone who seeks enlightenment and wishes to achieve his full potential as a human being and citizen of our universal community to adhere to the Snizzian School of Philosophy. To commit oneself to Snizzism is a sign of devotion to a cause greater than oneself; it is to willingly endure great adversities and travails of the soul in order to eventually reach a state of psychic transcendence. It is a realization of one’s own weakness and wretchedness and, at the same time, a demonstration of the progress one has already made toward achieving true happiness and virtue. With the vast rewards of this sublime philosophy in mind, the student of true Snizzism must carefully study its fundamental tenets and learn to adapt his life to them:

1. A true Snizzist can only reach a state of pure enlightenment and virtuousness by fervently adhering to all its doctrines.
2. A true Snizzist is not doctrinaire.
3. A true Snizzist is not a hypocrite.
4. A true Snizzist learns to be perfectly comfortable with hypocrisy.
5. A true Snizzist would never resort to using stale catchphrases in his conversation and writing. It is a disgrace to Snizzism to be so trite…trite like a fox!
6. Or is it?
7. A true Snizzist recognizes that the best way to spread the truth of the Snizzist way is to respond to questions with questions and to shroud one’s speech with similar devices. In this manner, a Snizzist identifies those that are truly ready to understand Snizzism and can begin their instruction.
8. It is necessary that a true Snizzist use the subjunctive if it be appropriate.
9. A true Snizzist shall hail Bruckner in recognition of his divine perfection.
10. Carthago delenda est!
11. A true Snizzist treats Pokey the Penguin as a set of prophetic texts.
12. A true Snizzist should be ever vigilant against the deceptions of false Snizzists, or Protos in the ancient tongue.
13. All other tenets of true Snizzism derive from these fundamental guidelines.