Umm...so what did you think about Amarant???

[Mr Gashtacular]

its all "ooo zidane youre so brave and good for not leaving a man to die in an upside down castle" like im supposed to be impressed

[Mr Gashtacular]

a giant blue and red man and all they do with him is make him quit his job and then lay down in a backward castle. what a waste of potential.

[Mr Gashtacular]

oh hi im a giant red and blue man im going to fight a 16 year old monkey boy who is hanging out with a 6 year old girl and a 9 year old boy and them in going to hang out with all of them and then get all cocky about it and get stuck in a trap like an asshole. then ill do nothing for the rest of the game

[Mr Gashtacular]

*sees a giant upside down backwards-ass castle*
finally this is the chance to prove myself against the monkey boy. i will beat him at whatever the smurf is going on in this upside down backwards-ass castle

[Mr Gashtacular]

amarant wasnt allowed to be a cop (institutional racism) so he became a security guard instead, and was instantly owned by a child

[Mr Gashtacular]

amarant is like the security guard at tesco who will follow u home for stealing pokemon cards or something but this time he followed the criminal halfway across the globe

[Mr Gashtacular]

amarant will literally follow u through a portal to another planet in an effort to tell ur mum what a naughty boy u are

[Mr Gashtacular]

amarant: ok im a tall giant who is blue and red. but here's the twist, im really dextrous *jumps around the battlefield a bit, and its kind of dextrous but not really that dextrous, and youre overall underwhelmed*

[Mr Gashtacular]

ff9 head writer: ok we have the tall red and blue dude with lame claws, and we have the absolutely smurfing beautiful boss yass queen with a giant bardiche (i googled it). which do u guys think should join the party?
ff9 writers: oh the lame quiet guy, definitely

[Mr Gashtacular]

Lani is now in her early 40s and her favourite pastime is leaving negative tripadvisor reviews on struggling inns

[Quindiana Jones]

Gash taking some hella hot takes here, but he ain't wrong. Good to see Lani getting the respect she deserves; what an absolute legend and total babe.

Big D correctly comments on the problem of secondary characters not getting the time or moments they need. Amarant could have been cool, but just didn't have the time to make it happen.

I do strongly love the intro, though. Dope as hell to fight him as a boss.

[Dr. Acula]

Petition for Mr Gashtacular to do a "Where are they now?"-style update on all the FF characters.

[Christmas]

I think resurrected more than a thread.

[Tigmafuzz]

Gash pulling out the video game equivalent of the "get him" scene from How High where they roast the professor