Thing's Final Fantasy characters would never say!!!

[Big D]

[q=Sephiroth1999AD]Big D: I see you added my little Tellah/Edward change to your signature. Was that really such a big dramatic spoon line?[/q]Not dramatic, but somewhat amusing. Keep 'em coming, everyone! This thread is turning into one of my favourites...

Phoenix... what happened to your name?

Anyway...

Edea:
"Rinoa! You BH! give me back my powers!"


Barret:
"Tifa! Run to the end of the cannon! No - the other way! The other end of the....
Why do I even bother, seriously?"

Squall:
"You know, guys... I think it'd be better if Rinoa stays sealed in the Esthar facility. At least then, she can't get possessed. I won't let my feelings cloud my judgement on this one!"

Vincent, Irvine, Barret et al:
"My magazine's empty. Anybody got some spare ammunition?"

The main cast of every FF:
"You know, this crisis is too big. I mean, there are less than a dozen of us. Let's just tell the authorities and let the highly-trained, well-manned armies of the world stop the demonic madman."

Tifa:
"No, the rumours AREN'T true! I'm NOT like that at all! I just prefer to hang around in bars wearing tight tops and tiny skirts. No, really, it's nothing even remotely dodgy!"

*Sincerest apologies to all Tifa fans, I don't mean any of this at all. In fact, I like her as much as any of you!*

Quistis:
"You look down, Squall. What's troubling you?"
Squall:
"Troubling me? TROUBLING me!? Yesterday, I was involved in a pitched battle in Dollet. Men I never knew died by my hand. I took away brothers, sons, fathers. And for what? Glory? Money? The THRILL of following orders? I'm 17, and a trained killer.
You want to know the worst part...? I'm more distracted by an anonymous flirty bimbo from the party than I am by the fact that I callously eviscerated scores of enemy soldiers. THAT'S what's troubling me."

[Blackmage]

CAUTION: Unmarked Spoilers Ahead...




--Quistis (to Squall): Oh, you need to come after class for detention, you naughty, naughty boy. *whipcrack*

--Auron (as he sees Seymour Flux): Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *runs away, crying*

--Queen Brahne: Maybe I should consider liposuction or somethin'...

--Garland: You see, Zidane, in a sense... I am your father. ...So, let's play catch, son!

--Cloud (after Aeris gets ganked): Hey Cid, help me toss her over the side of the altar here! ...1, 2, 3! *tosses Aeris down the stairs, tinking along the stairs like the Holy materia did*

--Auron: *singing* I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay...

[sephiroth23]

FF10
auron- come guys lets have fun

kilmari- biron wuz right i am a weakling ronso

lulu- i got these belts here on my dress covering myself to see if tidus looks

tidus- to hell with yuna lulu has what yuna has and more

FF7
cloud- maybee i would look better in blue

barret- damn tiffa has a nice ass but aries is much better

tiffa- i want cloud what am i talking about cid is much better

red XIII(to a wolf monster female)- comeon baby we can fight l8er lets have some fun

vincent- i need a new bed this coffin is really starting to mold

FF2
rosa- rydia egde is so hot can i try him
rydia- sure can i try ceicl

cecil- i think being a dark night wuz more fun

kain- i need to work on becoming more strong minded

cid- i am going to have to ask our rosa

edge- sorry rublacant i forgive you
rublacant- verry well then are we friends now?

edward- yessssss i fell again but thats good i get so much sympathy for it

fasoya- i look like a potato

[Radje]

Cid- Would any of you care to sit down and drink a glorious cup of nescafe gold?

Tifa fighting scarlet- Oooh, come on then! slap me like a ***** that the best ya got?

Cloud trying to get through the.... damn forgotten whats it's called, the endless forest untill u get the harp- La dee da dee da....what the, huh? Oh! this way *runs* um...ok same place *runs* Wah am i even moving? Am i lost? Do i really need this level of commitment? *breaks down in tears*

Reno- Oh, and don't step on the flowers......*crunch crunch*....damn

[Vermachtnis]

FF4
After Leviathan's attack:
Yang: Rydia!! Come back! I want my five gil back!
Cecil: Man, mountains suck! I hope I don't have to climb any soon.
Edward: Cecil, shut up about mountains and help me fight off Leviathan.
Cecil: I wonder if Kain's died. If he is I blame that Rydia. Let's kill Rydia!!
Yang: I don't wanna get hit on the head with anymore frying pans.
Edward: Yea, you pussy! You sound as delourous as Cecil.

FF6
After (SPOILER)Locke revives Rachel
Locke: Ok now where's my money.
Rachel: ~Yawn~ That was a good nap.
Guy that owns house: You burnt down my house!
Locke: I want my money. I "treasure hunted" your parent's house and your body and can't find it. Now give in to me!
Rachel: Fine. ~She reaches under the bed and pulls out 250 Gil.~
Locke: Good.
Shadow: Wow. All that for to fitty.
Lock Ness Monster: Can I have to fitty?
Everybody: Laughs

FF9
Random scenes in the game
Zidane: Kuja, I've changed my mind.

Vivi: Damn Rat! Thundera Mutha Fugga.

Zidane at the end: Garnet. I got an owie on my head. Will you kill and make it better.
Garnet: No. I've converted to Blue Mage now. Quina's the new White Mage.
Quina: I kiss and make pain go away.
~Eats Zidane~
Gogo: So she got you too?

[EveningCross]

Warning: Spoilers Ahead

Neurotic Pilot on Highwind: Right sir! Taking off! Eaaaaahhhh!!!

Cloud (to Cid): Out of everyone on the ship, you let the crackhead do the steering.

Cloud: I'm thinking about gettin a crewcut.

Vivi: I have no neck.

Sephiroth: Won't you all just leave me alone? Do you have to keep following me?

Heidegger: Hahahahaha!

Scarlet: Gyahahahahaha!

Red XIII: Why is my grandfather a bad dresser with no legs and where does he buy his pants?

Vivi: What
is my grandfather?

Odin (against Seifer in FFVIII): Oh sh......! >Silence< Thud!

Kefka: This is all so dreadfully depressing. Tell ya what, if I put the statues back can we just do it like we did before?

Diamond Weapon: Is that sissy pea shooter all you've got to >Sister Ray fires< Uuggghh!!!

Cloud (demise of Diamond Weapon): Aww geez and I just got a new sword. I really wanted to off that one myself.

[Big D]

Cloud:
"Aeris will no longer laugh, no longer talk, or cry... or get angry...
Gee, I like her better already!"

[Strider]

*Sephiroth falls from the ceiling and thrusts his sword next to Aeris's side, purposely missing her*

Oop! Ha ha. You thought I was gonna kill you, didn't you? Nah, I'm just playin', really.

[Big D]

Squall, Cloud, Tidus, etc:
"Swords are hopelessly impractical in this day and age! I want a weapon that works from afar. Get me an Uzi!"

Zell or Tifa:
"Oh my God, it's a hundred-foot-tall killer robot which shoots lasers out its mouth! I'd better destroy it by punching it with my fists!"

Shop owners all over the world(s):
"Uh, guys, I can't let you walk into my shop carrying all those weapons. Please leave them outside..."

House owners all over the world(s):
"Did ya ever think of knocking?"

Rinoa:
"That's OK, Squall, I can take care of myself."

[The Captain]

Selphie: "You know what I love most about trains? How so many theories of physics can be recreated just by staring out the window; how the world seems to move and at the same time stand still showing contrasting motion. Velocity, acceleration, they can all be felt right here on the train. I think it's a very deep concept that needs further studying."

Headmaster Cid: "No, I was not in Patch Adams! But, yeah I WAS great in Good Will Hunting, wasn't I?"

Tifa: "NO, people come into my bar for the drinks, not to stare at me, I swear!"

Cloud to Aeris, after falling into Slum's Church: "OUCH! I think I broke my back, and you're worried about your flowers?!"

Zell: "Give me a hamburger, or better yet, a salad."

Locke: "It's not stealing if you want to give it back, but just can't because you're using it.."

Squall to Irvine after shooting at Edea: "And girls find you attractive?! Grow a spine and get back to me, alright?"

Edgar: "The Opera? Phew, I thought you said Oprah!"

Take care all.

[Cyan_Lightning]

*At the Dollet exam, after Seifer asks Squall something along the lines of: "This is your first real battle. You scared?"*

Squall: *giggles* Not when I'm with you, handsome.

[The Captain]

Rufus To His Cabinet: "And tell Scarlet that I really DO give a damn.."

Barret: "The only reason I talk like this fool is to demonstrate that all children should be entitled to a proper education. Otherwise, they'd be talkin' jez like me. Don't be fooled though fool, I'm actually quite articulate, but for the general purposes of this, I gotsta act like a stereotype."

Rufus to Reeve: "Really Reeve, has Shinra been THAT bad to you that you have to galivant as a stuffed toy?"

Take care all.

[Doc Sark]

Tidus: Huh? My voice broke.

[zacks_clone]

Cid:SHERA!WHERES MY @#$%^@# TEA?!
Shera: ALRIGHT!THATS IT!:: thows teapot at cid :: MAKE YOUR OWN IN TEA!I QUIT!

Tifa: cloud...you werent going to...?
Cloud : well....yeah.

[§håd0w]

Cid: Watch your mouth.

Cid: It's ok Shera

Cid: Rise and shine

Yuna (After being confronted about anything): No!!! Your wrong, your all wrong.

Wakka: Al Bhed, Yevonites, Guado.. can't we all get along?