An Important Public Service Announcement from Del Snizz

[Citizen Bleys]

You never answered my question about being Daimyo.

[Raistlin]

As long as you give me more power than Bleys, I'm content.

[Knox]

What are his views on the issues that matter?

[Big Ogre Umaro]

Angela posted. That means I win the thread.

[Chaos]

What are your comments as to the allocation of sheep to the general populace.
Would you consider 1.45 sheep to be too many, or too few?

Chaos

[Heath]

Does he care if you break people's hearts through song?

[CloudDragon]

Alright, well I've followed Snizz's instructions and I have been able to register a vote under 100 different identities, all legal.

This election will soon be Skanker's.

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by IGN64skanker
I would be even more popular in the bay area because of my keen fashion sense. Girls pants, nail polish, tight shirts, you name it, I've got it. Well, not really. But maybe someday...

Remember our little chat? This is why I should do the talking.

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
You never answered my question about being Daimyo.

Skanker feels that it is inappropriate to discuss possible appointments to any subordinate government offices before the election. He has not yet had time to meet in person with potential candidates for every position or even to review their records. He has the highest standards for those seeking office and requires a great deal of experience as well as proven results in their former occupations. Furthermore, he expects that anyone who is considering seeking a position as a liege vassal of his most glorious empire be highly qualified for the job and share his vision for the future. Skanker requests that an applicant prove his or her loyalty and valor by presenting him with the head of his hated enemy, the King of Spain. It's also a plus if the applicant cannot rest until the infidel blood of the entire race of Spaniards befouls all the earth's seas.

Originally posted by Kildarre
What are his views on the issues that matter?

Now that I am in a position to speak semipublicly regarding Skanker's candidacy and all elements of his platform, I feel obligated to appear more professional. We've drawn a lot of criticism for running such an unorthodox and informal campaign--for not making use of accepted methods or practicing the kind of politics that people expect of their leaders. Therefore, I will get out my dictionary and respond to your question using some of the finest, most time-honored political traditions I know of:

Skanker may not have an issue for every issue, but he takes issue with the issues that are the issue of issues of his opponents' publications, which ignore both the issues and the issues of Skanker's campaign, instead issuing issues without apparent issue. Furthermore, all issues matter to his campaign, so if you've inherited anything lately, we'd appreciate it if you'd issue a little help. Finally, Skanker has no issue, but if he did, they'd be perfectly legitimate. Honest.

If that's not clear enough, I'll explain something else I discovered. As a verb, the word 'matter' is defined in two ways--the first being the far more common "to be important," and the other being "to secrete pus." I think it is obvious which of these definitions is more appropriate in the context of contemporary American politics. Every issue in this election matters; they've all been infected with the interests of private campaign contributors, of corporations and lobbyists. The other candidates try to cloak their policy proposals in rhetoric about the public good and the general welfare, but they let the people who give money to them and to their parties make all the real decisions. These politicians get money from a few wealthy fat cats to spread propaganda to the voters, and once they get in office, they give their friends far more than a fair return on their investments--with your tax dollars! If you want a governor who will provide practical solutions to the problems of you, the people, without concern for the selfish interests of those tycoons, then Skanker is your man. If you want smart, efficient government and sensible legislation, then send those bureaucrats in Sacramento a message by electing Skanker. If you want a better future for your children and your children's children, and their children's children, and maybe even their pets, then it is imperative that you cast your vote for Skanker! Your fellow citizens are depending on you to do your duty and express your support for the best candidate for the job. Don't let them down; don't let yourself down; don't let little Scruffy, your children's children's children's new puppy down. Vote for Skanker.

And that's one way to say nothing in 400 words or more.

Originally posted by Chaos
What are your comments as to the allocation of sheep to the general populace.
Would you consider 1.45 sheep to be too many, or too few?

First of all, let me say that anything you've heard about Skanker and sheep is grossly exaggerated, if not an outright lie. He is a family man and has too much class and respect for order to cheat on his species. And thank you for giving us the opportunity to dispel those ugly rumors.

Now, you've probably heard that Skanker has promised that under his watch, every family in the state of California would have 1.45 sheep in their garage. You've probably also heard the complaints from animal rights groups, who charge that keeping fractions of sheep is inhumane. That's just silly. If God had intended sheep to remain whole, why did he make them so easy to cut up? Skanker will not back down from his promise, and if he is elected, the distribution of sheep and delicious portions thereof will be carried out as planned.

Originally posted by Heath
Does he care if you break people's hearts through song?

Very much so, particularly if the song is a polka. He will crack down on cases such as these and on similar violations of the Geneva Convention while he is in office.

Originally posted by CloudDragon
Alright, well I've followed Snizz's instructions and I have been able to register a vote under 100 different identities, all legal.

My lawyer wishes me to inform you that for legal purposes, you should refer to anything in my above posts as "descriptions of hypothetical situations" rather than as 'instructions', 'suggestions', 'recommendations', 'orders', "endorsements of unethical, highly illegal, often treasonous activities," etc.

[Mr. Graves]

Since he has a speaker who's willing to fully support Skanker, and promises good things for the state, I guess, I'll do what I can as a non-resident.

Now, if I do what you ask for non-residents to do to support our candidate, how will I know you wont report me to orginizations like the CIA and such??

EDIT: I need to make sure my ass is covered, here. Hence the reason I'm asking...

[Shorty]

Genius, I say. *starts assuming Californian identities*

[Heath]

Are there any names we should stay away from?
Like Agnes for example.

[CloudDragon]

Saw this on CNN today, Hustler Magazine's Larry Flynt is in the running race for CA governor, there may be some competition here.

For Details, look here.

What might we do about this issue, suggestions anyone?

[eestlinc]

a vote for skanker is a vote for FREEDOM

[bennator]

Seriously though, according to The Economist a bunch of college students and bums and the like are coming up with the money to run and are candidates. Why can't Skanker do better than the avarage bum?

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by Mr. Graves
Now, if I do what you ask for non-residents to do to support our candidate, how will I know you wont report me to organizations like the CIA and such??

I can promise you, my friend, that noöne will report you to the CIA for seizing the opportunity to exercise your natural rights as a citizen of a democracy.^*

Originally posted by Heath
Are there any names we should stay away from?
Like Agnes for example.

Agnes is a perfectly acceptable name, though anyone who is aware of Skanker's stated policy on the distribution of sheep fragments and who has a working knowledge of Latin and religious iconography may become suspicious that someone with such a name would consider voting for him. But there are a few kinds of names that you might want to avoid. For example, most names that work for online messenger services and message boards don't look very good on a voter registration card. People don't in general give their children names with strings of numbers at the end, nor do they tend to make use of wavering patterns of capitalization. Some of the more clever officials reviewing the lists of voters might pick up on this particular scheme. There are a few other things that may raise a red flag, and you should try to avoid them accordingly: When registering your pets, remember that you do not have to use their respective species as surnames. 'Squeegee the Hamster', for example, could be changed to 'Squeegee Smith' for credibility. Similar rules apply to washing machines, VCR's, etc.

Originally posted by CloudDragon
What might we do about [the Larry Flynt] issue, suggestions anyone?

Larry Flynt's announcement in no way harms our chances of winning. In fact, Skanker welcomes any and all additions to the rich tapestry of candidates in this election, and he looks forward to the challenge of a little fair competition. He greatly admires Mr. Flynt and his work, and if elected, Skanker is considering offering him a position as special director of his character education initiative.

Originally posted by eestlinc
a vote for skanker is a vote for FREEDOM

I agree with your general sentiment, but I must say that anyone who cares so little about our future as to vote for Skanker only once is probably a terrorist.

Originally posted by bennator0
Seriously though, according to The Economist a bunch of college students and bums and the like are coming up with the money to run and are candidates. Why can't Skanker do better than the avarage bum?

Sadly, bums have a great deal of fundraising potential, and Skanker isn't particularly talented in the art of bumism, certainly not enough to compete head-to-head with professional hobos. One reason for the high ratio of bum campaigns this year is that the state legislature has announced that due to the massive budget deficit, it can only accept a governor who will work for food or cheap whiskey.

Don't worry, though. If Skanker can't get the money in the next few days, I have an alternative plan: he'll be eligible to run for president as early as 2020. If we start now, we should be able to build a suitable support structure and raise enough funds to mount an effective presidential campaign--provided, of course, that current trends don't continue and electing the president is once again fashionable by then.




^*This is in no way to be interpreted as a promise. Furthermore, as stated in a previous post, I have never explicitly asked that you or any other person in the real world take any action in violation of the laws of the State of California and/or of the United States of America. Finally, I can neither promise that any person(s) taking such action(s) will not be reported to and investigated by the FEC, the FBI, the California State Police, the international news media, and/or any other federal, state, local, or international organization, public or private, tasked with law enforcement, examination of elections and electoral policy, journalism and information distribution, review of ethics, etc.