An Important Public Service Announcement from Del Snizz

[Mr. Graves]

Ok.

*registers under the name Doyle Eerievon*

[Mikztsu]

And what about Bruckner? Does Bruckner have any kind of role in this? If not, where does Skanker stands in this whole Brucktoberfest issue?

[eestlinc]

THIS MUST BE ADDRESSED

[Linus]

This thread needs closin', mate.

[Mikztsu]

Pffft... Skanker can beat Arnold, Linus.

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by Here Comes Big Mik
And what about Bruckner? Does Bruckner have any kind of role in this? If not, where does Skanker stands in this whole Brucktoberfest issue?

After consulting several oracles and a hieromancer, I have it on good authority that Anton Bruckner himself has fully endorsed Skanker's candidacy from beyond the grave, and in addition, he has given us permission to use any of his works as our official campaign song. Unfortunately, due to his medical condition, Bruckner will not be able to make a formal, public announcement regarding his endorsement of Skanker, nor will he be able to actively support the campaign. Still, Skanker recognizes Bruckner's many contributions to the betterment of humanity and to the State of California, and he promises to hold the biggest Brucktoberfest ever once he takes office. If this impedes the progress of serious legislative endeavors and prevents the government from ever seeing much-needed reform, so be it; if it plunges the state hundreds of millions of dollars further into debt, it still must be done; if the jovial celebration rapidly degenerates into drunken rioting the likes of which no civilization could possibly endure, we can still look back at the cratered fields of ash and say to the survivors, "it was all worth it."

Originally posted by Linus
This thread needs closin', mate.

This thread won't be closed until after you apologize to Squeegee. Besides, even though there's no way Skanker can meet the filing deadline for getting on the ballot, let alone be elected to major public office, this thread is as timely and important as ever. I know that the controversial idea of recalling the top executive officer of the largest state in the country for reasons that are questionable at best may not be on quite the same level as the stirring debate over which brands of nearly identical carbonated beverages should be able to add which artificial flavorings, but that's not even the issue here. The real issue is what Skanker stands for. Skanker, quite simply, is a symbol of all that makes America and the democratic system great--the values he holds above all else are eternal, and the world would be a better, freer, more peaceful place for the whole of Mankind if we could all learn to live by his example. I implore you, my friends: keep the ideals of Skanker close to your heart, and give thanks each day that the point in the vast stretches of space and time that is your life is also his. Long live Skanker!

Please continue praising Skanker in this thread. His campaign presses on. To personally thank Skanker for being so kind as to exist, just ask me for his home address. Er...actually, just say it here.

[Sita Atis]

Oh come on, Last Action Hero wasn't THAT bad!

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by Sita Atis
Oh come on, Last Action Hero wasn't THAT bad!

Thanks. You have no idea what a relief it is to be free from the obligation to respect your judgment.


Well, everyone, we fought the good fight, but with only minutes to go before the official filing deadline for a declaration of candidacy, our campaign is still 65 signatures and $3,499.95 short (I found a nickel in a parking lot today). This by no means spells the end of Skanker's public life, however. I believe you Californians will still be allowed to vote for him as a write-in candidate if you so wish. However, I can say with some certainty that Skanker will formally endorse one of the perhaps hundreds of candidates with a spot on the ballot after reviewing the complete list and evaluating their respective platforms. You can expect such an announcement sometime this coming week.

In the meantime, let us not dwell on this apparent failure but rather reflect on the opportunities for our future we can now find. Skanker is far too committed to helping the people of his state and to making the whole world a better place to live than to let a minor setback trouble him. He is as ready as ever to go out there and do all the things that need to be done, but he needs your help. Tell Skanker what you'd like to see him do for you, and where you'd like him to go next. There are thousands of offices he could win and millions of problems that need to be solved. What should he fight for next?

[Citizen Bleys]

This doesn't affect the emperorship campaign, right?

And Last Action Hero had an ace soundtrack. TWO songs by Alice in Chains, baby.

[Nino Brown]

*adds to favorites*

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by Citizen Kane
This doesn't affect the emperorship campaign, right?

Yes, it does, in that we obviously won't be able to carry out the plan described in an earlier post. Fortunately, I anticipated a failed candidacy in the coming election and developed a strategy for this contingency.

It is very likely that no candidate will win a clear majority of votes should Governor Davis be recalled. The law allows for this possibility--in point of fact, one only needs to receive a plurality to be declared the winner. With well over 100 candidates in the race, it is theoretically possible to be elected with less than 1% of the vote. It is probable that the winner will get only 20-30% of all recall votes. Since it has been estimated that perhaps only about half the number of people who participated in the last general election will vote in the October 7 recall, we appear to be facing a situation in which the next Governor of California will be put into office by something like 10% of the electorate. Sound democratic to you?

We hope that a rigorous campaign of sowing the seeds of discord after the recall will make the people of California realize what they've allowed to happen and spur them on to push for yet another recall, starting this madness all over again. So, with the political instability caused by another proposed change of administration just weeks after the last one, the total hindrance to important government action, and the fact that the economy is still receding, we find ourselves in the perfect position to introduce to the masses--still writhing with their ignorant fury--our own Skanker, a new, charismatic leader who will wrest the reins of power from the current regime and begin to rule California with an iron fist, just as the people really wanted and needed someone to do. It will be the first glorious day on the road to empire, Bleys!

And if that doesn't work out, maybe we can at least get a civil war or something out of it. That would be pretty neat.

Originally posted by Nino Brown
*adds to favorites*

Nino, you are a true patriot, and you shall someday be greatly rewarded for your contribution to The Cause. Your presence inspires us and gives us much-needed momentum. Bless you, sir.


Finally, a few words about the discouraging lack of response to this most important thread:

Normally, apathy is a positive thing for American democracy, as it helps to keep in power the tiny cadre of rich white men who know what's best for the rest of us. In this situation, however, the less you say and do, the harder it will be to get Skanker to take his rightful place among our oligarchic masters. Now, we've already established ties with the Freemasons and the Mafia, and we're trying to get in touch with the International Jewish Conspiracy that one guy who calls into radio talk shows every morning is always going on about, but what we most need right now is the support of you, the people! Please, help Skanker out and at least give us some feedback. Your efforts will not be forgotten.

[Ouch!]

This is most likely one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the internet. But too bad it's too late.

[Mr. Graves]

Originally posted by Zaphier
This better as hell be getting archived.

Thanks for spoiling the fun. Good one.

[Ouch!]

...?

[Del Snizz]

Originally posted by Zaphier
This is most likely one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the internet.

Damn! That sounded so much like a compliment until that last part. Why do people have to add those spirit-crushing qualifiers at the very end of what had otherwise been such a nice thing to say:

I've never seen a more cleverly written, brilliantly acted movie...with 'Godzilla' in the title.

I respect and admire you for all the good work you've done...for the cause of increasing the illiteracy rate.

This is possibly the most hilarious story I've ever heard...about the Holocaust.

So, please, if for whatever reason you want to tell someone that he's produced one of the "funniest things," try to consider his feelings before you say, "on the internet."