What's so dignifying about a response, anyway?

[Loony BoB]

I told Raistlin I wouldn't ban him from the EoFF vB3 Beta testing forum because then he'd IM me, which would be even worse. And then he commented on how I don't reply half the time, anyway. To which I responded with my thoughts, which are as follows:

Anyone who has used the internet for more than a year should know that if someone doesn't reply, there's a reason. I think I must be one of the only people who actually uses that 'rule'. Everyone should follow it. If I IM people and they don't reply - there's a reason. They might not want to talk to me, they might be away, they might have a headache, they might be too tired, they might have some kind of issue with their chat program. There are so many reasons, and so long as they don't respond, there's some kind of reason. No point in chatting to someone when they don't feel like it.

This should probably be a thread in EoFF or something. Maybe even an LJ entry? I dunno. But it's still true. I hate having to reply to someone just to tell them that I don't feel like talking and/or can't talk and/or am busy. They always reply again once you tell them. Bastards. Yeah, I think I'll go make this into an LJ entry and a thread now, just to cover all my bases. Lala.

[Red Wizard]

Many times one would appreciate at least knowing what's up when your pal doesn't respond to your IMs. If you think about it, it's the virtual equivalent of someone talking to you while you just stand/sit there completely ignoring them, and I can see how some people don't appreciate that.

I usually assume they're not at the computer and just move on. It's not really important enough to get worked up about, after all.

[Yamaneko]

I'll usually just wait and if nothing is said for a while, I'll just close the window. I do that with everyone except one person.

[Agent Proto]

I don't particular care. If no one responds after I send them a message, I just leave them alone until they reply.

Usually, when people message me and I'm away, I'll respond... later. xD

[Loony BoB]

Originally posted by Red Wizard
If you think about it, it's the virtual equivalent of someone talking to you while you just stand/sit there completely ignoring them, and I can see how some people don't appreciate that.

I disagree. I think it's more on par with a friend from down the road walking up to your bedroom door uninvited and knocking, not knowing if you're there or not. But maybe even less personal than that.

In the real world, you choose who you are around. Online, you're there for everyone to see, unless you block people off.

[Linus]

I found your problem.

You don't have Wes blocked.

[Peegee]

Look, just go on away when you are away, okay? If you don't want to be disturbed put an away msg that lies or tells the truth. I don't get what the big problem is -_-

[Del Murder]

If I don't want to talk I don't turn the ims on.

[Bernhard]

I suppose since I usually communicate with people verbally, and not responding when talked to is very rude, I apply the same set of rules to all communication. Stupid? Yeah, probably, but a simple "can't talk right now, bub" doesn't really take that much time to type up. Each to his own, but I've made a thing out of responding no matter what type of comminication it might be.

[Peegee]

I often find people respond rudely when you 'bother' them, yet they are right there, in ONLINE MODE. So what, am I supposed to MAGICALLY READ YOUR MIND YOU LKSDJFLKASDF WOIEGJWEJG;WOE G;A!!!?!!?!?

Delli Belli's my hero. Unlike the rest of you dorks

[Loony BoB]

No, see, that's part of the problem. People are still offended when I don't respond while my away message is already up. They see me in EoFF or something (and sometimes that's at work and I'm not even on AIM there) and they expect me to say something merely because they know I'm online at all.

And if I come off my away message and am chatting to someone - for example, Yams, when I chatted to him about stuff yesterday - other people IM me. I don't really like chatting to many people at once most of the time, and they're offended when I tell them that I'm too busy to talk to them.

I just don't understand why people get upset if I don't respond. If someone doesn't respond, there is a reason. They might have accidentally closed your window, your message might not have gone through, they might be chatting to someone else and be too stressed to explain themselves (whenever I explain myself, they always continue chatting, and then they get offended when I stop responding. I don't understand that at all)... there are so many reasons. "Maybe he doesn't think I deserve a response, maybe he thinks I'm stupid!" Maybe? So what? If it's a reason, it's a reason. I don't think many people are stupid and I tend to respond to most IM's I get when I'm not on away - but if people are going to get offended... well, I just don't get it.

And I changed my mind about that "knocking on the door" thing. IM's are more like phonecalls. Comparing the online world to the real world isn't really right. When you phone someone, they might be there, they might not. If they are and they don't answer, there's a reason. I think people who get upset about that should know better, too.

EDIT: And regarding the "ONLINE MODE" thing - So? I'm online 24/7 (unless my connection goes crappy). It's a messaging service. Instant, even. It's not an instant response service. You choose when you respond. Just like emails, only much faster and simpler. For me, AIM is much like a telephone with an answering machine where you can leave a message.

[Meow]

i agree. AIM culture is not the same as real life; for me it's conversations are neither as pressing nor as structured. i won't ignore people if they message me and i have the ability to message them back, but i never treat it the same way as i would a face-to-face talk. Oftentimes my AIM interactions are about quick little exchanges, usually more humorous than anything else, and even "serious" talks are hardly equivalent to their "offline" counterparts. Slow, written message-me-message-you AIM conversation structure just doesn't lend itself to that.

i wouldn't even compare AIM to phonecalls. It's more like socially flavored present tense Post-it noting.

[Bernhard]

AIM should just make use of the handy invisibility function. That way you can talk to anyone you want yet not be bothered by others. It's probably not that damn hard to implement. Not to mention the ability to IM an offline user. Two things (the only things?) that ICQ does right. Pretty stellar actually.

[Del Murder]

Yahoo is infinitely better than aim in those respects but not enough people use it.

[Mikztsu]

Yes, plus Y!M ( and MSN) a has invisibility, you can chat while you're "away" in it too,; unlike on AIM. That's why I use MSN mostly these days.