I would inject myself with hormones so that this freakish breast would begin to produce milk. I would then set up a small, home-based company and sell the delicious head boob milk for pleasantly large and wonderful profits. In order to explain the unusual presence of the breast, I would simply say that I was a distant relation to the elephant man, because everybody knows him.

On a side note, I'd just like to say that this is the best thread we've had at EoFF this year.