You're not the boss of me, Linus.

I can break something without even realizing it, I can injure people without trying, I can defeat any man, woman, or child in any fighting game (except Super Smash Brothers, the only fighting game I suck at) I can make red stoplights turn green by stairing at them.
I'm a good standup comic too, I went to a high school talent show doing stand up two years ago and got 2nd place.
Oh and yes, I can eat three pizzas the size of Kiddie pools without stopping for digestion.