It was the heist of the century, I tells ya. We were gonna blow the First Savings Bank - that is, me and my crew of "Joe" and "Pete." We had it all planned out: Pete knew a guy who knew a guy who could hook us up with some thermite. We was gonna fill up an empty drive bay of his laptop with it, install a simple detonation device, and when the time called, ignite it in the middle of the bank. That would be our distraction, y'know? Set off the fire alarms 'n stuff, cause panic and all. Then my cousin Mickey who works there was gonna come out and tell everyone out of the building nice and slow like while we snuck back towards the vault. Now, y'see, the problem came when Pete and Mickey were supposed to setup a security disabling device the night before, make it look like a routine check and all. Thing is Pete likes to hit the bottle, y'know? He had a lot of a couple of drinks and didn't set up the remote unit right on the console - the cops saw it all. Lucky Joe got us hooked up with some AKs for defense and a little extra C-4 in case we needed a quick escape. The cops came - just local cops, no biggy, got a few in the legs as warnings. Then they brought in the big stuff, SWAT 'n trout. Helicopters all over the place, I mean full-out riot gear. We didn't have much of a choice so we locked ourselves in the vault. You'da thought the C-4'd come in handy, but the vault was Goddam small, I tells ya. Would've blown our butts to smithereens. They kept shouting stuff at us and even tried a ram on the door, but nothing. Well, needless to say, I got hungry and ate Pete and Joe. After that I started getting some bad 'Nam flashbacks, went out and ate all of the SWAT unit's faces off and ran through the streets naked covered in the blood of my defeated foes. When I started running I just couldn't stop. Eventually I got to Mexico where I met my wife Josè . I now live there in a trailer off the border with my seven adopted sons.

It was the heist of the century, I tells ya.