Different Tiger, Different Rules

[Kirobaito]

O.K., here are the new Tiger Rules. Digest, then swallow.

<b>Rule 1. No more quoting Tiger Woods saying, "I'm close."</b>
Sorry, he's not close. Woods has gone eight straight majors without a win. He hasn't been in the top 15 of a major since last July. Tiger's a nice golfer, but at this point he's basically Kirk Triplett.

Woods was at it again on Sunday at the U.S. Open at Shinnecock after finishing in 17th place, 14 shots behind the kind of guy he used to pick out of his teeth, Retief Goosen. He said, "So many times I'm just one yard off."

Dude, you finished two shots behind an amateur.

Tiger hasn't broken an egg since he switched to Nike clubs two years ago. Maybe he's not a yard off. Maybe he's a yard sale off.

<b>2. No more gnashing of teeth over, Will Tiger get his swing back?</b>
Who cares? Everybody in golf knows that Tiger's swing is more blocked than a new Stetson. And there are more people than his fired coach, Butch Harmon, who can fix it. "I've got 10 guys on my staff who could get Tiger going on the right path again in 30 minutes," says a very famous swing coach on Tour. "It's obvious to all of us what he's doing, but he won't make the change."

Earth to golf: Let it go. You can give a superstar a straw, but you can't make him suck.

<b>3. No more believing Tiger when he says he's "still in it."</b>
Usually, he is <i>not</i> still in it. Lately, he is two bus transfers and a $12 cab ride away from it. Last Saturday night he was nine shots back and in 19th place after three rounds, yet he said, "If the wind blows and I play a great round, I can still win."

Yes, if the wind blows the players' hotel over and everybody else is trapped until Monday, <i>then</i> he'd win it.

<b>4. No more superstar treatment until he gives us superstar golf again.</b>
Since he won the U.S. Open two years ago at Bethpage, Woods has two crummy top 10 finishes in the last eight majors. That gets you a courtesy car and a room at the Red Roof Inn, tops. Why should Tiger get any more swag than, say, Fred Funk, w ho has three top 10s in the last eight majors?

Even Nick Price has two, and he retired years ago.

<b>5. No more excuses.</b>
Tiger's got a million. At the 2003 Masters (15th place) he said, "The grass being as sticky as it is, if you make a mistake, you're going to pay the price." Sticky grass? This week he whined about the hard greens. "That golf course got out of control," he said.

Sell it somewhere else, cowboy. It was hard for everybody. In fact, it was easier for Woods. The USGA syringed the 7th green intermittently on Sunday, and his group was one that got it freshly watered and he made par. So zipit.com.

<b>6. No more gripping hole-by-hole TV coverage of Tiger's 74.</b>
Woods wasn't within a time zone of the lead last week, yet he was on TV more than the Verizon guy. If Tiger is in the hunt, fine. Otherwise, he's on the crawl at the bottom of the screen - deal?

<b>7. Gong the goon.</b>
Tiger's caddie, Steve Williams, has all the charm of a rhino with an impacted molar. He doesn't speak to the media, rarely talks to fans and has the look on his face of a man who'd very much like to pinch your head off.

At Shinnecock he kicked a photographers' camera on Friday nad reached into the crowd to snatch another camera on Sunday. Once, at a Skins Game, he took a fan's camera and threw it into a lake. The man has ruined more pictures than Sylvester Stallone.

Hey, here's an idea: Fire the caddie and rehire the coach!

<b>8. No more saying "Well, Nicklaus went through this, too."</b>
True, Jack Nicklaus had two long majorless stretches in his prime - 12 straight from 1967 to '70 and another 10 straight from 1976 to '78. But in those 22 tournaments he had six seconds, three thirds and 16 top 10s. Oh, and in his career he had 19 seconds in majors, and Tiger has had one. You want close? Now <i>that's</i> close.

<b>9. Sigh and accept it: There's a possibility Tiger may have peaked.</b>
Woods gave us the single greatest achievement in sports history: the Tiger Slam in 2000 and '01. If you've got the Hope diamond, why keep shopping? Dwight Gooden peaked at 20. Macaulay Culkin at 10. Why can't Tiger have peaked at 24?

<b>10. Stop with the sympathy.</b>
Woods is 28, worth more than $200 million and engaged to a Swedish nanny so freaking gorgeous that rivers stop and take a look. O.K., he's got to deal with the heartbreak of sticky grass now and again, but pardon me if we don't throw him a telethon. Put it this way: Would he trade places with David Duval?

So those are thee new rules. Break 'em and Steve Williams comes to your door with a six-iron.

Okay, this took me forever to type (twice, because I pressed the back shortcut on my keyboard a few times accidentally), so I apologize for the typos, if any. I think this is one of the single greatest articles EVER.

Discuss.

[Azure Chrysanthemum]

Golf? What is this "golf" you speak of, and who would waste five hours playing it?

Seriously though, I've never taken it too seriously, but I do wish people would stop saying Tiger is black when he's part Asian too, and last time I checked Asian WASN'T synonomous with cursed.

[nik0tine]

i can understand how one might waste 5 hours playing golf (especially mini golf) but watching it... now thats a different story.

[Big D]

Lots of golfers don't win majors, but then they don't get criticsed for it. Woods' past successes don't mean that he deserves criticism, in my opinion. He may have passed his peak, but then he might not have. Michael Campbell had a bit of a dream run the other year, and got some media attention for doing so. Since then, he's been performing well, but not outstandingly so. He's a good golfer, and is treated as such.
[q]No more excuses.[/q]That's the problem, though - if he says something honest, like "I didn't play well, I had a bad round like I've been doing a lot lately" then the media will jump all over that. Imagine the headlines - "'I suck' says World No 1", "Woods admits he is a failure", and so forth. Unduely harsh criticism would follow. Damned if he makes excuses, damned if he doesn't. Plenty of other golfers have bad rounds because of the conditions, but since they're not 'public figures' to the same extent that Tiger Woods is, they get ignored. Unless I'm very much mistaken, Woods is still the world number one, right? You don't get there by winning a popularity contest. His results may be poorer than in the past, but he's still achieving a consistent level of success. The only problem is the 'celebrity status'. You're a media darling once you start doing well, but as soon as you start doing less well than before, people like Rick Reilly think it's their right or even their duty to heap abuse on you, and basically blame you for being popular and well-known in the first place.[q]Dude, you finished two shots behind an amateur.[/q]Justin Rose, as an ameteur, won the English open a few years back (2001 wasn't it?). I don't think anyone laid into the 'losers' of that tournament.
[q]6. No more gripping hole-by-hole TV coverage of Tiger's 74.
Woods wasn't within a time zone of the lead last week, yet he was on TV more than the Verizon guy. If Tiger is in the hunt, fine. Otherwise, he's on the crawl at the bottom of the screen - deal?
[/q]This is why I hate tabeloid journalism. The media create the sensation in the first place, then abuse the subject of their attentions.[q]7. Gong the goon.
Tiger's caddie, Steve Williams, has all the charm of a rhino with an impacted molar. He doesn't speak to the media, rarely talks to fans and has the look on his face of a man who'd very much like to pinch your head off.

At Shinnecock he kicked a photographers' camera on Friday nad reached into the crowd to snatch another camera on Sunday. Once, at a Skins Game, he took a fan's camera and threw it into a lake. The man has ruined more pictures than Sylvester Stallone.

Hey, here's an idea: Fire the caddie and rehire the coach![/q]Williams? He's a New Zealander, so he speaks fast and with an unusual accent. If Rick Reilly ever heard him speak, he'd probably demand that the man be educated in "speaking proper American". When he's in his home country, he does charity work and races modifieds. He's not a perfect human being, I suppose, but does that justify yet another attack on his boss?

Whether he's in a temporary slump or if his game's taken a permanent turn for the worse, Woods is still a fine golfer and a decent human being. Can't fault the man, myself. If the media want him to get less attention, why don't they try paying less attention to him?
Really.

[The Captain]

There was an interesting article in the times that talked about how Ken Griffey Jr, Shaq and Tiger all live in the same community, and for whatever reason, Griffey seems to have regained his golden touch whilst Shaq and Tiger are in a funk, so to speak. Karma perhaps?

With Tiger, as with just about any solo pro sport, you're almost guaranteed to lose more than you win. Tiger spoiled the world be seeming to win everything, and for a time he did. However, he went from being perfect to being merely one of the best. I wouldn't call it a slump, seeing as how he's won this year, and has come close to winning again. I think he'll break out of it soon.

Dave also raises a great point in that, the top of the top in the sports world usually cannot admit to being anything less than supremely confident in their abilities. I don't think MJ ever said he stunk at baseball because of who he was. Even when he wasn't winning titles, he still said he was just a few good games away from winning again.

All players go through slumps. However, it's how the player reacts to the slump and what they do to get out of it that will really show their inner self.

Take care all.

[Dingo Jellybean]

Tiger's wife is the problem...trust me.

Months before the marriage, Tiger was playing great. But now, his game is not even close to his unGod-ly performance of 2000-2002. Jack Nic is probably the greatest golfer ever...regardless of what Tiger will do. He has 18 majors for crying out loud...yes, Tiger does have 8 and has like 20 years of golf left in him.

Tiger has his priority on his wife...I mean my gosh...look at her. I wish Tiger's wife would show up on the golf course and just distract all the other guys. XD But eh...Tiger's game is pretty "par" right now. He's shooting 70's when he should be shooting 60's and he can't even find the greens. I don't care how bad those conditions at Shinnecock were, he only found the greens like 15% of the time or something.

With that being said, I think he'll win the PGA Championship. Not the British Open because that course is too bloody difficult.

Tiger's short game is at least keeping him in contention though. He can still drive the ball long, but it's his aim. Finding the green is like finding a girl in LA who didn't have a boob job...it's impossible.

Another thing about Tiger is that he's bulked up. You can see it. When the wind blows his shirt back against his chest, you can see that he's pretty ripped. When you lift weights you can drive the ball longer and get the ball out of the rough and bunkers easier, but it alters your swing. Tiger hasn't found a swing to match his physique. He still insists that his old swing with his new body will make things right. Part of Tiger's problems is that he's too egoistic...he thinks he can fix it himself, but he really needs Butch Harmon. He needs a swing coach, he hasn't won a tournament for who knows how long.