Can you cook?

[Citizen Bleys]

(x-posted to AO and AG)

I thought I could. After all, I took a couple of typing courses in high school and I'm now at 100 wpm, so the couple of cooking courses I took in high school ought to make me an internationally-renowned chef, right?

Wrong.

I got up early this morning, on my last day off before starting my new job. This was intentional, as I planned to make beer batter blueberry pancakes using the Pumphouse's blueberry-flavored ale. It looked like a good idea on paper...but it's been a long time since I've tried to cook.

The end product resembled, in flavor if not color or texture, roughtly triangular pancakes, but that was only the last batch, post trial-and-error. Prior to that was an utter debacle. I'm uncertain as to whether those early attempts should be called "flopjacks" or "crapjacks," but they sure as hell weren't pancakes. So unused to being domestic was I that, as I cooked, the theme from Tokyo Breakfast was ringing through my head. Had my dear, decrepit old grandmother been roused from her slumber by the sumptuous scents of (let's be honest) smoke, and asked me what the hell I was trying to cook, the answer would have been "Your favorite, nigga: chicken and waffle!"

Should I ever attempt cookery again, methinks I'll make sure I have someone who knows what the hell they're doing standing over my shoulder. For the rest of you, the moral of the story is simple:

Don't bother making beer batter pancakes. It's nothing more than a waste of beer that would be better served cold and in a frosty mug. Just drink the beer and go to Smitty's . (Or vice versa, if you're driving)

[Peegee]

I love to cook, but I stick to simple things like lobster (just boil) and pasta (just boil). I can also grill stuff.

I *have* made creme brulee (remember way back when I was dating?) and other such things with much success.

[Loony BoB]

I don't drink or drive or go to Smitty's. What do I do?

I can't cook. Well, I can, but nothing fantastic. You could say I can cook potatoes or something like that, but I can't cook full fledged meals. I think the best I've done without a lot of trial and error is a half-arsed lasagne.

[Ki Ki]

I can cook. But little things. Like an omlette. Or a stir fry. Jus basic little things nothing big that could feed a whole family.

[Polaris]

Yes, I love to cook!

[sephxangel]

I can cook but i have to be in a certain mood for it.

[Skogs]

Cooking is easy. As long as you don't leave what you're doing unattended (and forget completely that it's there), then it's fairly difficult to get it to go wrong. Stir fry, pasta-and-sauce and stuffed peppers are my dishes of choice.

[HOOTERS]

Uhh Citizen Bleys, there's a reason why God created women you know. Why is your Grandma, a woman, in bed while you, a man (presumably), are doing the cooking? I sure as hell hope she got down on her hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor afterwards.

But seriously folks, since I've had to cook for myself I've gone from baked beans on toast to lasagne and curry chicken in a few months, so I'm pretty proud of that effort, considering I cook more than my flatmate and he's a head chef. I haven't quite perfected the art of getting more food on the plate than on the kitchen yet though. There's always a mess afterwards. I needs me a wife. :mog:

[gokufusionss1]

cooking is easy all you do it add heat to the meat and eat it.

[Misfit]

I needs me a wife. :mog:

roflolz *scary thought* Or a dog! They can clean the floor for you. :nibbles:

Anyways, I can make ... stuff in the microwave/toaster oven! *rawks*

[Logan]

I can cook, but nothing fancy. I've never burned anything, haha.

[Yamaneko]

Hoot, Misfit: Quit spamming up the thread.

Don't worry Bleys, in the future all our food will be programmed.

[HOOTERS]

Oop, playtime over, daddy's home.

I want the ability to cook chinese food. I think I need more plastic containers first though.

[Ichy]

I can cook anything, but only if you like it black and crispy.

[Erdrick Holmes]

I can sorta cook. Does taking something out of a can, pouring it in a bowl, and tossing it in the microwave for 55 seconds count as cooking?