I mean, I know that every relationship has its ups and downs, but when was the last time you did anything for me? You just take and take and never give anything. Well I have news for you. When you weren't around, people would make fun of you, and snicker and laugh, and when they did I defended you. And how did you thank me? Tales of Symphonia? Pikmin 2? You think that's going to solve anything.
You just don't have any worthwhile games anymore, Gamecube. And to be honest, I didn't really play a whole lot of the ones that you had. I bought Pikmin instead of ICO one day, and instantly regretted it. Now I can't find a copy of ICO anywhere. And yeah I know it's childish, but I resent you for it. Do you know what was my favorite game for you? Beyond Good and Evil. And that was for everything. Even PC.
Don't get me wrong. I loved Wind Waker and Super Monkey Ball 2. Gamecube, I really did. And that Zelda Bonus disc was just wonderful. I mean, there were good times. There were. I remember the first day I had you. How I marveled at those adorable little discs. The controller that felt oddly comfortable in my awkward hand. The quasi-secret button in the center of the disc spinner that would pop out the games. That was our little secret.
You were so full of potential! Four controller ports. I'd never owned an N64, so this was a novel concept for me. The thought of me and three friends playing your little games, and experiencing everything you had to offer...it was inticing. The GBA connectivity for extra features in games. The GBA player that would be the new Super Gameboy. The Card Reader. God, was I really excited about the Card Reader? What a fool I was.
Because you were so promising, Gamecube. You promised a lot. But you asked a lot in return. "Just buy one more accessory for me and I'll reveal to you all my secrets!" But it was never enough, was it? There was no problem that couldn't be solved by throwing money at you, but there were always plenty of problems to be had, weren't there? Pac-Man Vs, Crystal Chronicals, where did it end? It didn't end. It just didn't. We both knew it, but you kept begging for new toys while I was here wondering where exactly my life went.
I could never get into Metroid Prime. I know, I know. It was my fault. I've never been able to play any Metroid games. Even Metroid II for the Gameboy turned me off as a kid. I just couldn't get into the swing of things.
But let's face facts. We're of two different minds. You wanted Metal Gear Solid to be an impossibly difficult John Woo movie with nigh-parodic cutscenes that would be hilarious if I didn't get the feeling that the developers were being serious about things. You wanted GBA connectivity to unlock things in Prince of Persia that didn't requite spare hardware in the other versions of the game.
Whenever there were multiple ports, I always tried to play your version. I tried to stay faithful to you. But I just can't do it anymore. Last month I played the PS2 version of Spider-Man 2. Yeah, yeah I did. Well what the hell was I supposed to do!! There weren't any copies of your version at the store because you're just Miss Popular aren't you! Yeah, well my PS2 may not be as pretty as you, and its graphics may be a bit behind the times, but at least its target audience is old enough to shave!
Yeah. I went there.
Listen, the bottom line of all this is that if you're going to contune to wade though a stagnant pool of creativity, then I'm going to sell you to buy Star Ocean 3. I'm sorry it has to end this way, but you're leaving me little choice. I think that right now, what we shoudl be concentrated on is reflecting on the good times we had together. The laughs we shared. Maybe I'll see you again some day, at a used game store or something. Maybe then we could give it another go. No hard feelings, right?
No, of course not. You're a ing piece of electronics.