Groaners!

[Jack]

A priest has lost his rooster, so next day at Mass, be asks his congregation. "Has anyone got a cock?" All the men stand up. "Has any SEEN a cock?" All the women stand up "No no no, has anyone seen MY cock?"
All the kids stand up

[Giga Guess]

One day in church, the priest notices that donations to the collection plate have been dwindling. Finally after a great deal of deliberation, he stumbles across an idea. The next Sunday, he said "For whomever gives the largest donation, that person will be able to choose his or her 3 favorite hymns."
People were moderately inspired to donate, but one spinster promptly wrote a check for $1000. The priest was astonished and quickly ushered her to the pulpit.
"Now, what is your preference, miss" the priest inquired.
The spinster squinted her etyes and said, "I want him, him, and him!"

[Lindy]

I believe it's supposed to be a horse that walks into a bar and orders a drink and snack, not a bear since horses are known to HAVE long faces.

Take care all.

I also think it's supposed to be the point when you mix them up, y'know. Since the bear one's punchline is "So why the long paws?", but in my experience it's always funnier if you mix the two up.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ALL SUCK AND DON'T UNDERSTAND DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT FUNNY.

And also, I think it's pretty obvious that horses have long faces and bears don't, so I'm not stupid.

[The Captain]

Never said you were stupid good sir.

Pardon the misunderstanding.

Take care all.

[Giggles]

I didn't think the cock joke was funny. Or even worthy or groaning. More like worthy of a look of utter digust.

But I won't hold it against you.


And Lindy, sometimes if you don't understand something, that makes it not funny for YOU. So we didn't find it funny. Yay for you if you did! Don't get angry about it :o

[DeBlayde]

ever seen a bear without the fluff? pretty long snouts on them things.


another joke.

A nun and a priest were out on visitation, walking out to rural farms when a blizzard blew up. They were quite a ways away from the house they were heading for, and even farther from the one they'd just left, but off to one side of the highway, they saw a little log cabin. so they trudge off towards this cabin through the wind and snow, and when they get there, they find a bunk, a sleeping bag and a pile of fluffy blankets. so the priest, being a gentleman, lets the nun have the bunk, grabs the sleeping bag and curls up on the floor. after about ten minutes, the nun says, "father I'm cold." So he jumps up, looks at the nun, who was a rather attractive young lady, fetches some more blankets, and piles them on top of her. "now sister, when this blizzard blows over, we'll head on to the Johnson's farm and get a nice warm blanket, but it's going to be pretty cold here tonight, and all we have to do is just survive these next six hours." Said the priest. "But, we've got shelter and warmth, so I think we'll be ok." The nun nods, snuggles deeper under the blankets, and the priest gets back into the sleeping bag.

fifteen minutes later, when the priest was about to fall asleep, the nun again says, "father I'm cold," this time in a more insistant voice. So the priest got up, grabbed more blankets and piled them on top of her, climbed back into the sleeping bag and tried to get back to sleep. Four more times, the nun declared in an ever more insistent voice that she was cold, each time just before the priest fell asleep and each time he'd pile more blankets on top of her.

Finally, the priest sat up and said, "are you still cold?" the nun nodded. "well, then, I think there's only one thing left to do. We should pretend to be married, just for tonight. But nobody back home will know, everything that happens here stays here. Agreed?" the nun nodded. "So we're husband and wife now for the night. are you still cold?" the nun nodded.

"then as your husband, i'll say Get up and get your own damn blankets and lemme get some sleep!"